The entire trip, I torture myself thinking about the many ways I fucked things up with Linc and Aiden.
How could I have been such a damn prick?
I was blinded by the money and the undeniable lure of seeing my name in lights at stadiums all across the country. I was so fixed on proving to myself — and to my father — that music isn’t a dead end, I got wrapped up with the very people who would’ve destroyed everything I love about making it. But I’d rather play passionately in dive bars with my best friends than make millions on manufactured radio garbage with Lacey.
I glance out the portal window as my father’s gloating words flash through my head.
When you slink back here with your tail between your legs after the real world kicks you in the nuts, don’t expect this job to be waiting for you.
He’ll think I’ve failed, that I’m crawling back home without a record deal. In truth, it’s the opposite. If I’d stayed in LA, I’d be just like him — a slave to the man, choosing business over passion. Money over music. And I have no desire to emulate a high-functioning alcoholic with a short fuse and a double mortgage, who’d cut his only child out of his life for daring to disagree with his rigid worldview.
I shake the thin plastic airplane cup and suck down my last sip of whiskey, hoping it’ll ease some of my nerves. It doesn’t even touch them. I don’t know what’s waiting for me back in Nashville. I don’t know if the damage I did can be undone. As the miles disappear between me and my destination, the pressure in my chest begins to feel like an anvil sitting on top of my lungs. I can hardly breathe.
I’ve never had an anxiety attack before, but I’m pretty damn sure I’m having one now.
Glancing at the woman in the seat beside mine to make sure she’s asleep, I pull out my wallet and shake one of the little white pills Becca gave me from the pocket where I usually keep condoms. She called them apick-me-upbut I’ve found they relax instead of energize me. They were the only thing that kept me even-keeled enough to deal with Lacey while I was out in LA; hopefully, they’ll calm me down enough to keep my shit together, now.
Flagging down the fight attendant, I order another whiskey to wash the pill down.
Two more hours.
It feels more like two years.
* * *
She’s my first stop.
I tell myself to go to the loft, to deal with Aiden and Linc before I do anything else, but I find myself ordering the cabbie to drop me off outside The Nightingale. I bound up her stairs and pound my fist against her door, half-frantic. There’s no answer. After a minute, I peer through her window. Worry grips me in a vise when I see how empty it is inside. No guitar leaning against the wall, no silver watch sitting on her bedside table, no fresh flowers in a plastic cup on her dresser. Even the band posters have been pulled off the walls.
Where the fuck is she?
I race down the stairs, turn into the alley, and push open the back entrance to the bar. They’re not open for business yet, but I find Adam holed up in his office. He glares at me when I barge inside without invitation.
“What the fuck are you doing here? Thought you signed some fancy record deal and moved to LA.” His lips twist. “Or are things not going so well between you and Lacey?”
I ignore him. “Where is she?”
“Who? Lacey? Fuck if I know. She hasn’t been my business for months. You saw to that, when you fucked her.”
“Not Lacey,” I snap. I couldn’t give less of a shit about his wounded pride. “Felicity.”
Adam’s eyes flare with comprehension. “Seriously? Is there anyone you haven’t screwed in this town? I’m going to start including it as an interview question when I hire new waitresses.Ryder Woods’ whores need not apply.”
I take a stride in his direction before I can stop myself, my hands curling into furious fists. When I manage to speak, my voice is icy with restraint. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.Once. But if you ever talk about Felicity like that in front of me again, I’ll tear your fucking tongue out and shove it up your ass.”
“Testy, testy.” Adam’s grin is carefree as he leans back in his seat and crosses his legs on his desk. I fight the urge to slap them to the floor. “I didn’t realize you were so serious about the new girl. Though I can see the appeal, I guess. She looks pretty fucking bangable in that uniform.”
My teeth grit. “Just tell me where she is. She’s not upstairs and her stuff is gone.”
“No shit, Sherlock.”
“Adam, so help me god.” I take three steps closer. “Apparently, you have a burning desire to taste your own asshole, ‘cause I’m about two seconds from following through on my previous warning. Why don’t you save us both from that unpleasant experience andtell me where the fuck she is.”
My roar is so loud, he flinches back, his boots jolting to the floor. There’s a gloating look in his eyes when they lock on mine. I haul in a ragged breath to keep myself from pummeling the answers out of him.
“Gone.”
I go still. “What?”