felicity
“Felicity.”
I turn my face to look at him. We’re lying in the dark, holding each other close. Both pretending that dawn isn’t creeping closer with each passing moment. Both in denial that a few brief hours from now…
He’ll be gone.
He runs his fingers through the loose tendrils of hair framing my face, fanning across the pillow in a dark wave. His expression is indecipherable.
“What is it?” I ask softly, my words barely above a whisper.
“Ask me to stay.”
I jolt. Of all the things I expected him to say, that wasn’t even close to the top of the list. Heck, it was the last measly line, penciled in halfheartedly at the bottom. And yet… my answer is there instantly, poised on the tip of my tongue.
Stay with me.
Stay.
Stay.
Stay.
But I know that’s not the answer I can give him, however much I’d like to. I haul in a deep breath and try to compose myself before I respond.
“I can’t do that,” I murmur.
“Why not?”
“Because I l—” I swallow down the word I want to say, the word I should say, because that word that scares me worse than anything else in the world. That word means surrender. It means relinquishing all boundaries. Giving yourself over completely to someone else and trusting they won’t destroy you.
I’ve seen firsthand what that word can do when placed in the wrong hands.
I banish it to the back of my mind, pull in a breath, and restart. “Because I care about you too much to see you give up on something you’ve wanted forever. You’d always regret it if you didn’t at least try.”
And eventually… maybe not right away, but eventually… you’d resent me for convincing you not to go.
The thought nearly breaks me. As hard as it is to imagine him leaving in a few hours, we both know it’s the right choice for him. The only choice. Cuddled close to his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat, I ignore tomorrow and focus on the present.
This. Us. Now.
There’s nothing else.
My eyelids are growing heavy and I’m half-asleep when he shocks me with one more question.
“Felicity?”
“Mmm?”
“Come with me.”
My eyes spring wide. My neck cranes back so I can see him properly. If his first suggestion was scribbled at the very bottom of the list of possibilities, this one isn’t on the list at all. It’s so faroffthe list, at first I think I’ve misheard him. And yet… my response is ready on my lips in the span of a heartbeat.
Yes, I’ll follow you anywhere.
Yes.
Yes.