Worse, I’m a burden onyou.
I think perhaps Beck doesn’t know what he’s just done, but as I catch his eyes I read awareness on every plane of his face. He heard our conversation earlier, heard how disheartened Ian was becoming… and he did what he could to rectify it. Not using a method I would’ve chosen, not in a manner I would’ve even considered… In his own way, on his ownterms.
That’s simply…Beck.
He shows up. He saves people. Not because he wants praise in return. Not for credit. Not for notoriety. It’s just who he is, beneath the cutting commentary and bluntrebukes.
Hidden deep below that caustic exterior is a heart of solid gold. I’m sure ofit.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” His voice is barely a whisper, so as not to wakeIan.
I give a start. “How am I looking atyou?”
“Like…” His inhale is audible. “I might not be the biggest asshole on theplanet.”
“Ah. I feel confident saying you’reprobablynot the biggest asshole on the planet.” My head tilts. “You’redefinitelythe biggest asshole on this island,though.”
His grin is a bolt of lightning in the dark. “I guess I deservethat.”
I don’t contradicthim.
“I’m sorry I was such an asshole, yesterday. Actually, I’m sorry I’m an asshole all the time… but yesterday especially. When I got back and you weren’t here, when I couldn’t find you… I thought you were hurt. Or worse.” His head shakes, as though he can’t bear to contemplate that thought. “In my mind, as I searched the water and the woods, I kept imagining what this place would be like without you. Waking up without you here singing under your breath as you tidy the camp, smiling at the damn hermit crabs who steal our breakfast every morning, grinning at the baby birds who live in that nest over by the boulders. All those tiny moments of life you bring to this place…gone.”
My heart clenches as I realize I’ve been wrong aboutsomething.
He doesn’t see straight throughme.
He sees my every detail sharper than a telephotolens.
“I know it doesn’t excuse how I’ve been acting.” Beck’s voice grows so soft, it’s hard to make out his next words. “But the thought of losing you… I about lost my damn mind. And my temper was quick to follow, I’mafraid.”
How on earth am I supposed to respond to something likethat?
“I know I’m not like Ian. I know things between you and me are… complicated,” he says carefully, sidestepping an atomic bomb. “But I’m hoping you’ll give me a chance to prove that I can do better.Bebetter. I—” He breaks off abruptly. “Look, I’m no good with words. We both know that. But I also don’t make false promises. I don’t commit to things and back out when it gets tough. So, when I tell you I’ll be there, I will. No exceptions. If you let me… I’ll show up for you. I’ll be your support system, whenever you need me. You can count on that.” He pauses. “Always. Even when I’m being a dick aboutit.”
My eyes are watering. I lie to myself that it’s caused the fire sending smoke into my face, instead of the apology I’ve just received. I don’t know whether to be stunned Beck can, in fact, own up to his own arrogance, or awed that the peace treaty I’ve been praying for has manifested without my lifting afinger.
As I contemplate his words, I look at his face, cast in contradictory hues from two angles — the moonlight above, the firelight below. A true dichotomy, much like the man beforeme.
Unapologeticcurmudgeon.
Unfalteringcaretaker.
In cheerleading, there’s no greater trust than that between a flyer and her base. You can’t reach the top of the pyramid without a solid foundation beneath your feet. Beck may not have phrased it as eloquently as my cheer coach, but the concept still applies. What he’s saying — what he’s offering — is clear asday.
I’ll be your supportsystem.
Always.
When we eventually fall asleep, we don’t move to opposite sides of the fire, as we have for the past week. We lie side by side, not quite touching, but close enough that I could reach out and grab his hand with a simple flick of my wrist. There’s a warm glow inside my chest I cannot seem to suppress, even after my eyes have closed and Beck’s breaths have slowed to the steady rhythms ofsleep.
It’s been a goodnight.
Agreatnight.
I never would’ve predicted I’d find myself saying that again, so long as we remain on thisisland.
Basking in the warmth of the fire, I slip unconscious with a smile on my face… in my lingering joy, completely forgetting that I never got around to checking Ian’s legbandages.