Stunned by his sudden interjection, I whirl around to find him leaning against a nearby tree, taking a break from the middaysun.
“How long have been there?” Idemand.
He shrugs. “Longenough.”
My pulse is pounding so fast I think I might have a heart attack. “You should’ve announcedyourself.”
“And miss that fascinating little speech?” His green eyes glitter with thoughts. “That would’ve been a damnshame.”
“It was a private conversation! You had no right toeavesdrop!”
“Next time I’ll be sure to blast off the flare gun before daring to walk back into my own camp,” he drawlssarcastically.
“Perfect,” I snap, eyes shootingdaggers.
I can feel Ian’s gaze moving back and forth between me and Beck, but I can’t bring myself to look away from the tractor beam in which I’m trapped. We’re both breathing a bit toofast.
After a few endless heartbeats, his attention flickers from my face over to Ian’s. An indecipherable expression flashes across his face, gone in the span of a blink. Without another word, he turns and stalks back out into the burningsunshine.
I stare after him, a tangle of contradictory emotions warring inside me. I want ask what he meant when he saidI wouldn’t put my money on that, princess.I want to run after him and yell some more insults. I want to beg him to come back and sit with us for a while, telling stories of his own. I want to share my fears and hear his inreturn.
Iwant…
Iwant…
Iwant…
Him.
Ian lets out another low whistle. “Didn’t you just tell me you came on this trip to getawayfrom your relationshipproblems?”
I scowl at him. “Oh, shutup.”
* * *
Ifindit by chance a week or so later, during a late afternoon walk through thewoods.
Half-hidden by an especially dense copse of trees, the secret pool is tucked away at the heart of the atoll. Secluded and still, it’s full of crisp, cool freshwater. No more than two dozen feet at its widest point, the thick overhead canopy keeps the brightest sun rays at bay, and the leafy forest ringing the banks lends an illusion of total privacy. As soon as I see it, I’m overcome with onethought.
I can take abath.
Not a sponge-off withrainwater.
Not a dip into a salty tidalpool
A real, honest-to-godbath.
I can hardly contain my excitement as I race back to camp to grab my toiletry bag, then quickly retrace my steps to the water’s edge. With Ian sound asleep, it’s the perfect time for me to slip away unnoticed. Beck is off again, scratching another task from the ever-growing survival checklist he’s invented to keep himself busy, now that theHELPdistress signal is complete. One day, he walks the entire island’s circumference; the next, he digs a solar still in the hot sand so we have a constant source of water nearby. Over the course of a week, he prepares massive pyres of kindling at several different locations across the island, ready to light in case a shippasses.
If he’s not asleep, he’s not at camp. I’ve barely seen him at all; I’ve spoken to him even less. I try not to take his sudden absence personally, but it’s easier said than done. While we’ve never been what I’d call chummy, we tolerated each other. Leaned on each other, when things were difficult. Now, where there was at least a grudging camaraderie, there is frozen civility. If I were stronger, perhaps that wouldn’t bother me so much. But, as I’ve come to realize, the unfortunate factis…
Icare.
I care so deeply, his avoidance tears at my soul with physicalteeth.
For Ian’s sake, I’ve kept a smile on my face and a bounce in my step, doing my best to remain positive. But at night, when the stars come out and my walls come down, I listen to the man sleeping a few feet away from me and wish there was a way to mend things between us. A way things could bedifferent.
He calls me a child, but I’m not entirely naive. I’m perfectly aware that, most of the time, the people we like don’t like us back. In the past, I’ve endured the melancholy ache of unrequited affection withease.