“If I tell you everything, I’m violating this contract,” I told them, gesturing to the papers in my hand. “And, technically, I’m breaking the law.”
“What is it?” Simon breathed, the light in his eyes equal parts excitement and trepidation.
“It’s a non-disclosure agreement.” I swallowed roughly.
Fae’s expression was unreadable. “It has to do with Sebastian?” she asked.
I nodded. “I’ve never told anyone about this. Not even Jamie. I didn’t ever want to look at it again,” I whispered, my grip tightening on the slim stack of paper. I wanted to rip it to shreds, but instead I forced my grip to loosen and looked up at my friends. “But I needed you to know that this isn’t a secret I keep lightly. It’s not something I ever wanted in my life, and I probably shouldn’t even be talking about it, but I trust you guys. I love you. And if you need to know, I’ll show you — I’ll tell you everything.”
They were quiet for a long time, the silence stretching out as I waited for them to make a decision. They locked eyes, staring at one another for a few seconds before nodding in sync and turning back to face me.
“We don’t need to see it.” Fae smiled softly at me. Simon nodded in agreement.
“Are you sure?” I asked, wavering. There was a large part of me that didn’t want to keep all of this to myself anymore, even though sharing wouldn’t have been the soundest decision I’d ever made.
“Put it away, baby,” Simon ordered in a gentle voice.
“I don’t want this secret to come between us or cause a problem in our friendship,” I said quietly, voicing one of my biggest fears. Since Jamie died, Simon and Fae were the closest thing I had to family.
Simon snorted outright. Fae’s laugh was a little more subdued, but not much.
“Now you’re just being a dumb blonde,” Simon chided, rolling his eyes. “I thought you’d finally dispelled that stereotype but I see my work with you is not yet done.”
“Lux, don’t you understand?” Fae asked with a grin. “We love you too. Being friends with someone doesn’t mean that everything is perfect all the time.”
“Clearly,” Simon chimed in, rolling his eyes.
“As I wassaying,” Fae continued, smacking Simon lightly on the arm. “A perfect friendship doesn’t mean everything is perfect — it means you love each other enough to forgive the imperfections.”
I’d thought I was cried-out for the day, but I suddenly found my eyes watering.
“Jesus, all this sweet bonding is giving me cavities,” Simon complained. “Put that damn thing away and come drink your wine.”
With a laugh, I walked to the lockbox and slipped the NDA inside before placing it back on its shelf in my closet. When I returned to the bed, I sat in the space between Fae and Simon, who immediately enveloped me with their arms.
“What would I do without you guys?” I asked, leaning my head on Simon’s shoulder.
“You’d probably be dead in a ditch somewhere.” Fae giggled.
“Or, at the very least, you’d have an abominable fashion sense and never get into the good nightclubs,” Simon added.
I smiled and sipped my wine.
***
By the time Simon and Fae left me for the night, I was thoroughly buzzed and swaddled in the pale blue silk pajama set I never wore because it was too pretty to wrinkle and, anyway, didn’t only women in classic movies wear fabulous designer nightwear? Most nights I slept in the first oversized t-shirt my hands landed on when they reached into my dresser drawer, but tonight I had little choice in the matter — Simon was being insistent.
The pajamas had been a Christmas gift from him last year, purchased because they’d apparently “bring out the blue in my eyes” and, as an added bonus, help to trick men into thinking I was the kind of classy lady who wore silk to bed. While rummaging through my wardrobe — as was his habit, whenever he was cooped up in my tiny studio for too long — Simon had been dismayed to find them folded in a neat pile with the tags still attached, in a small nook at the back of my closet. He’d retrieved them, made a fuss about my neglect of a perfectly good pajama set, and, of course, forced me to put them on immediately.
I had to admit that his taste was impeccable. As soon as I pulled the sleek tank top over my head and slid my legs into the flowing kimono pants, I fell in love with the feeling of silk as it brushed against my skin like a caress. And he’d been right — my gray-blue eyes did look brighter in the mirror in contrast to the fabric.
During the pajama drama, Fae located a bag of microwave popcorn somewhere in the depths of my cabinets — quite possibly leftover by the previous tenant, but I had a good buzz on and I wasn’t feeling picky tonight — and popped a comedy into my DVD player. The two of them clucked over me like mother hens for nearly an hour before I finally forced them out of my apartment. They would’ve stayed with me all night if I’d asked, but I was craving some alone time after the day I’d had.
The credits were rolling and my eyes were drooping when the buzzer rang sharply three times in quick succession. I rose and stretched the kinks out of my back, walking to the door with my wineglass in hand. I figured it might be Simon and Fae, back to ensure that I hadn’t pulled a Sylvia Plath and put my head in the oven or started bottling my own urine like Howard Hughes.
I pressed the intercom and was surprised by the voice I heard on the opposite end.
“Babe! It’s Desmond!”