Chapter Twenty-One
Now
Remember when you were eight years old and the most entertaining thing onthe planet was challenging someone on the playground to a staring contest? And the most important thing on the planet was winning said staring contest and becoming the dry-eyed, unblinking champion of the recess yard?
I was engaged in a new kind of staring contest right now, and it was imperative that I win. Because, you see, I wasn’t eight anymore, and Sebastian and I weren’t gazing into one another’s eyes willing the other to blink and cry uncle. Oh, no. We were in a uniquely adult version of the staring game, with new rules. In this round, the goal was to see who could go the absolute longest without so much as a glance in the other’s direction.
So maybe it wasn’t so much a staring contest as anavoid-at-all-costscontest.
Anabsolutely-do-not-stare-at-mecontest.
AnI’m-afraid-what-might-happen-if-I-look-at-youcontest.
Anyway, I think he was winning.
See, after his absence for the last two days, I’d kind of gotten used to not seeing him. Yesterday, Cara and her posse had been at a fashion event across the city, modeling for a new fall line, and I’d had a gloriously normal day of discussing set designs and hashing out costume ideas with the designers for the 1920s shoot. The roaring twenties was an exciting era, so our team had a lot of options to play with. And despite a terse email from Jeanine, reminding me that I was still on the hook for my normalLustercolumn at the end of the month, I’d had a great time.
So when I walked in on Thursday morning, yawning widely after my late night of stalking and stakeouts, I’d been content with my new position. I’d even been looking forward to the coming day, knowing that I’d be surrounded by creative thinkers and working on a project unlike any in the magazine’s history.
Those warm fuzzy feelings deteriorated as soon as I arrived.
I’d slept fitfully, my mind racing with thoughts of Vera, before finally giving up on sleep altogether and rising before dawn. I was too tired for a run, so I’d headed into work early, hoping I could become an asset to the 1920s team and avoid another errand-girl assignment. When I arrived at the ArtLust building, the lobby was quiet and empty but for a security guard, who nodded at me from his desk before turning his attention back to his crossword puzzle.
I’d hit the button for the fourteenth floor and was watching the elevator doors slide closed when a deep, masculine voice called out.
“Hold the elevator!”
I froze, horror dawning as the voice registered in my ears, but it was too late. His hand slipped between the closing doors and they sprang apart to allow him entrance.Damn.
Sebastian stopped in his tracks. His eyes widened but otherwise his expression was stony as ever. There was no remorse in his gaze, nor was there any recognition that Monday night had happened. With a deep inhale, he stepped across the threshold and into the elevator with me. I shuffled a few steps left and looked away as the doors closed behind him.
It grew painfully quiet.
No other riders were there to break the silence with their chatter and no tinny elevator music detracted from the building tension between us as we ascended slowly up fourteen stories. It was just the two of us, trying not to breathe too loud or make any sudden movements, looking anywhere but at each other.
I wanted to laugh. Or cry. I wasn’t sure which.
We were about halfway through our ascent when I felt Sebastian take a step toward me, so his front hovered mere inches from my back. I could practically feel the molecules in the air between our bodies compressing, compacting, as he leaned closer into my space.
If you pressed two strong negative magnets together, they’d repel with every bit of force they could muster. And maybe if you were strong enough, you could hold them against each other for a short period of time, though doing so might eventually sap all your strength. Once you let go, though — once you stopped using all your energy to force them together against their will — chances were, those damn magnets that had repelled with such intensity would flip, changing course and snapping together so fast you couldn’t believe your eyes. And, once they’d realigned, no amount of pulling was liable to separate them again.
What once repelled quickly morphed into an unbreakable pull.
Oh, and how quick that flip was, from abhorrence to attraction, from disdain to desire. Love and lust, hostility and hatred— they were two sides of the same coin. So though Sebastian had made it clear how he felt for me, the charge between us grew anyway, despite all sense and reason. I could hear the pounding of blood in my ears as I mentally calculated the exact amount of space separating his body from mine. I could feel the sharp pain radiating in my mouth as I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself in check.
Attractionwas a life-force. A physical presence, swirling in the air around us and tethering us together. With my hair twisted up in an elegant knot, my neck was exposed to him and I felt his breath there, at my nape, closer than any stranger had a right to be. I fought against the pull, replaying his words in my mind and trying to snap myself back into reality.
I should fuck you right here like the little whore you are.
I loved him.
I hated him.
I wanted him.
I wanted to kill him.
He’s isn’t your Sebastian anymore, the reasonable side of my brain whispered.