“Phoebe loves you. She’d forgive you for pretty much anything,Delilah.”
“Maybe.” I shake my head, still pacing. “But I’d never forgive myself. It’s the most important day of her whole life. I’m supposed to be happy for her. Celebrating with her. And instead, I’m down here in the throes of a panic attack. Becauseweddings…”
Shaking my shoulders, I force myself to stop pacing. I stand stock still, clenching my fists so tight my fingernails cut into my palms, and force myself to say the words I’ve spent so many yearsavoiding.
“Duncan isn’t my only sibling.” I glance up at Luca, breathing hard. “Did youknowthat?”
He shakeshishead.
Of course not. I never talkabouther.
“Actually, I guess it’s more accurate to say… hewasn’tmy only sibling. I had a sister until I was fifteen. Her name was Mimi.” I steel myself against it, but the words still hit me like a punch to the stomach as they pass my lips, cracking with grief. “Shedied.”
Luca’s eyes soften. “Oh, Delilah. I’msorry.”
“It was a longtimeago.”
He nods. “I’m stillsorry.”
My bottom lip starts to tremble. “I’m only telling you this because when she— when it happened—” I suck in a breath. “She’d just gotten married. They were driving to the airport for their Honeymoon and there was an accident. A drunk driver on his way to a summer kegger blew through a red light and slammed into their limo. Her husband, Charlie, died at the scene. Painless. Instant. But Mimi made it to the hospital.” My lips twist. “She was always a fighter — she fought for good grades and for the student council presidency and for Charlie, who our parents didn’t approve of, because his family wasn’t from money. She fought for me, whenever I needed someone in my corner; she even fought for Duncan, who’s always been a bit of a mess. And she never stopped fighting, not even at the end. But this was one battle she couldn’t win. The damage was—” I break off. My throat aches with unshed tears. “She was in a coma for two weeks, before my parents made the decision to let her go. Just like that… her happy ending, cut short attwenty-two.”
“Babe.” Luca rises slowly to his feet and walks uptome.
I throw out my hands to hold him at bay. If he touches me, I’ll fall apartcompletely.
“Don’t. Please don’t touch me.Notnow.”
He stops short, staring at me with a look of comprehension in his eyes, as if he’s just figured something out, found the torn-off corner of the map that held vital directions to the finaldestination.
“Why are you staring at me like that?” I ask, voicecracking.
“Just finally starting to put some pieces together that never made sense before.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Pieces that give me some insight about why you’re not the biggest fan of long-term commitments… orrelationships.”
I drop my eyes to my feet. “What’s thepoint?”
“What doyoumean?”
“What’s the point of a relationship, if it’s just going to end like that?” My laugh is brittle. “That’s not how it’s supposed to work. You’resupposedto find your soulmate and live happily ever after. That’s the lie we’ve all been sold by Hollywood, isn’t it? Cue the sunset and cheesy musical score.” I shake my head. “You go on awful dates, and survive horrible break ups. You get your heart broken time after time, somehow holding out hope that one day you’ll meethim. He’s your reward for all the crap you went through, while you were single. A soul mate. A husband. A happy ending and a perfect life full of chubby babies andbickering.
You’re supposed to get ornery and fat and love each other anyway. Thetill death do you partis supposed to come from the graceful progression of time, when you’re wrinkled and older than dirt. It’s not supposed to happen at twenty-two, with your whole life ahead of you, on your way to celebrate your Honeymoon. It’s not supposed to be snatched away at random, because some asshole chugs one too many Bud Lights and climbs behind thewheel.”
I look up at Luca with wet eyes, feeling raw and broken. “So my question is… What’s the point of any of it, if it’s just going to be taken away? Why go through the absolute fucking torture of finding your soulmate if, as soon as you do, it’s all ripped right out of yourhands?”
Luca is silent for such a long time, I don’t think he’s going to respond at all. But eventually, he closes the distance between us with measured steps. I tilt my head back as he gets closer and keep myself totally still as he reaches up to cradle my face with his bighands.
“Life is a beautiful, broken mess. Closer to a Shakespearean tragedy than a Hollywood happy ending, in my experience. I don’t know why your sister’s life was cut short, Delilah. I don’t have an easy answer to your question about the point of it all.” His eyes hold mine. “I think the only person who can give you that answer isyou. It’s not something anyone can tell you, and it’s not something you can learn from an instruction manual. It’s something you have to discover on your own. Something insideyourself.”
With that, he leans down and kisses my forehead in the most heartbreakingly tender gesture ofmylife.
And there, in that horrible, hope-drenched moment… with only stingrays to bear witness… I, Delilah Sinclair, slide my hands around his waist, tuck my head against his chest, and hug him until the pain in my chest ebbs away, replaced by something warm and soft and almostunrecognizable.
* * *
When we returnto the table and rejoin the party, no one mentions our strange absence or my uncharacteristically red eyes, but Phoebe catches my gaze and mouths,Youokay?
I nod and smile at her as I take my seat. Luca pushes it in for me, and I arch my brows at him as he settles onto his ownchair.
“What?”