“Okay, then. Guess we aren’t making small talk,” I murmur, reaching for a water bottle. I slug down a few sips. The dress Harper chose for tonight is blessedly loose around the midsection — a dreamy, empire-waisted affair that looks like pale flames when I walk — so I can drink and eat as much as I’d like, with the added bonus of hiding my tiny bump from the red-carpet cameras.
“You look beautiful, Kat.”
Grayson’s sudden comment makes me jump. I look back at him and see he’s moved to the seat directly across from mine, so only a few feet separate us. His eyes never leave my face.
“Thank you. You look very handsome too, Grayson.”
He takes another gulp of champagne. “Don’t be nice to me, Kat. I don’t deserve it.”
My brows lift. I’ve never heard such defeat in his voice. “What? Why do you say that?”
“I fucked up.” He runs his free hand through his hair. “With Helena, with you.” A sharp breath bursts from his lips. “I destroy everything that comes close.”
It’s strange, hearing the same thoughts that used to haunt me come from someone else’s lips. I stare at him — this imperfect man, who hurt me so thoroughly, and revel at how much has shifted in a few short weeks. I don’t feel any anger, looking at him now. In fact, I feel only sympathy.
“You aren’t a bad guy, Grayson,” I whisper. “I’ve been where you are. I’ve felt that relentless sense of self-loathing that burns you up inside. Don’t let it destroy you.”
His eyes find mine, fragile hope in their depths.
“It gets better. I promise,” I whisper, smiling.
“Kat…” He shakes his head, sets down the champagne flute, and leans forward so his hands are braced on his knees. “You always see the best in me. Even when I don’t deserve it. Especially when I don’t deserve it.”
“That’s the thing, Grayson. One day, you’ll realize youdodeserve it,” I say softly. “You deserve to be happy — to be with someone who makes you happy.”
“You make me happy.” He exhales a ragged breath and leans closer. “I want to be withyou, Kat.”
I suck in a startled gulp of air.
“I know.” His voice grows pained, but his eyes are deeply serious. “I know I missed my shot. I know you’re with Hastings now, and it’s all twisted between us. I know I don’t have a chance at changing your mind. But if I let you go without ever saying it, I’d regret it for the rest of my life.”
I go still, sensing what’s coming before he says it.
“I— Kat, I—I love you,” he blurts, looking more stunned than I am that those words have come out of his mouth. As if he cannot fathom that he’s actually voiced them.
Time slows to a crawl.
I stare across the limo at this beautiful man, hiding a soul full of demons, and make my voice as gentle as possible as I lean forward and lay my hand over his.
“You don’t love me, Grayson.” I smile sadly. “You just think you do.”
His head shakes, a denial. “But—”
“What you feel for me, right now? That gut-churning nausea? It’s not love. It’s the first blade of grass, creeping up through the pavement after a nuclear apocalypse. I don’t say that to be mean — I say it because I’ve been there.” My lips twist. “You think you love me because the feelings between us were real, and intense, and gave you a glimpse of a different kind of life for yourself — one with real commitment and honesty and emotion. You took a step. But that doesn’t mean you’re ready to run, yet.”
“Maybe I am ready, though,” he mutters unconvincingly. I don’t even think he believes his own words.
“One day, you’ll be ready. One day, you’ll meet the right girl and realize that this, what you’re feeling for me, is nothing compared to the contentment you experience when you find someone you’re truly compatible with. When that day comes, when you have the option of choosing a life with that girl or one without her by your side, there won’t be a doubt in your mind. You’ll just know.”
He sits back with a sigh, watching me curiously. “That’s how it is for you. Withhim.”
I nod.
His eyes regain a little of their sparkle as he winks at me. His voice is wry. “First blade of grass after an apocalypse, huh?”
I laugh. “Yep.”
He runs a hand through his hair and murmurs, “Can’t wait to see what the whole forest looks like.”