Now I’m the one looking dubious.
“Fine. Notplentyof times.” Her voice is defensive. “But I’m sure there’s been a time. At leastone.”
“Notthistime, though.”
She says nothing.
“So, what’s his name?”
A slow smile twists her lips. “Padraic.”
“Padraic?” I snort. “Where’d you dig him up? The Emerald Isle? The Burren?Tara?”
She narrows her eyes at me. “He just joined my Krav Maga class. He asked me out. As it happens, I needed a date to this shindig, so I invited him to come. Don’t get me wrong, track pants and a bare chest in a sweaty gym hold a certain appeal… but a suit and tie, on the other hand…” She whistles under her breath. “Damn.”
I arch one eyebrow. “So, you’ve been spending a lot of time rolling around with him both on and off the mats, I assume?”
Her mouth twitches in amusement. “You jealous?”
“Yep,” I admit shamelessly, taking another sip.
Lila’s grin widens. “Well, don’t be. I have a surprise for you.”
Anxiety grips my stomach like a fist, sending the butterflies still swarming there into a frenzy. Lila’s surprises never go well.
Like the time she baked a “special” ingredient into a batch of brownies without telling me… which I consumed twenty minutes before field hockey tryouts, our junior year at prep school. And the time she bought me a DIY Brazilian bikini waxing kit as a birthday gift… which is still sitting, unused, at the back of my closet somewhere because,hello, if anyone’s putting hot wax near my hoo-hah, it’s going to be a trained professional.
Needless to say, news of her impending surprise is accompanied by a fair amount of dread.
“Please tell me you didn’t buy tickets to Burning Man, Lila.” I shudder. She’s been threatening to drag us to Nevada’s famed music festival in foryears. “You know I can’t handle that much bare old-man penis in one week. Especially in the middle of the desert, with no viable escape options.”
“That’s not your surprise.” Her eyes dance with humor. “Plus, Burning Man isn’t until September. You’ve got months to prepare.”
“What?!Please tell me you didn’t buy tickets.”
“Focus!” She snaps a finger in front of my face. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”
“How can I focus with visions of ancient sausages dancing through my head like… like…”
“Sugarplums on Christmas Eve?” Lila laughs.
“I hate you.”
“Noted.” She doesn’t bat an eye. “But your surprise tonight is a good one. I promise.”
“Are there old-man penises involved?”
“Definitely not.”
“Thank god.”
“Just one perfect, well-proportioned, twenty-something penis.”
I choke on my champagne.
Lila claps me on the back. “Breathe, tiger.”
“What— Did you say—Penis—” I gulp to clear my airway. “What?”