“Why?”
“Why what? Use your words, Nathaniel.”
He looks away from me, jaw clenching. “Why would you throw something like that away on someone like me, when you’ve been waiting so long?”
My mouth gapes. I’ve never wanted to yell at him more than I do in that moment.
Because I’ve been waiting foryou, idiot! Because it won’t be throwing it away. It will be sharing something incredible with the man I love. The man I’ve always loved.
He continues before I can say anything, not able to meet my eyes. “Why would you waste it on a night of meaningless sex?”
Meaningless sex.
Meaningless.
Sex.
All the breath goes out of me. The words I was about to say slither back down my throat into my stomach, where acids quickly destroy them. I feel nauseous. Physically ill. Worst of all, there are tears pricking at my eyes.
Damn him.
This thing between us isn’t meaningless, and he knows it. He knows, and he’s running because he can’t handle it.
“I always thought you were brave, Nathaniel Knox, but you know what?” I ask, words scathing. “You’re a coward.”
I scramble to my feet and head for the door, not even caring that I’m half naked. At this moment, I’d rather parade bare-assed through Back Bay than spend another second in this room with him.
He stops me before I make it two feet. Arms wrap around me from behind, hauling me against his bare chest. I feel his mouth at my ear, rumbling with intensity.
“Phoebe,” he says simply, undoing me with just one word. I feel his forehead hit my shoulder. “Phoebe.”
There’s so much raw emotion in his voice it nearly sends me to my knees. I force my spine to stiffen, so he knows I’m immune to him.
Ha! I wish.
“I’m sorry.” His words are low, hesitant. “I’m an ass. I know that.” He presses closer. “I know I’m no good for you, that I should push you away, that I have no right to ask for a damn thing from you.” He pauses, the silence humming with unspoken words. “But I can’t help myself from wanting you anyway.”
My heart skips a beat.
“You are the only person in my life who hasn’t seen the worst in me from day one.” His voice breaks and it damn near kills me. “The only person who’s always looked at me like I could do anything, be anything, no matter how many other people said otherwise. And I know it’s fucked up… but maybe the reason I push you away so hard is because I know it’ll be easier to bear if I have some control over watching you walk away. Maybe I’m scared that if I let you look too close… you’ll finally see what everyone else has always seen.” He takes a breath. “Garbage.”
There are tears in my eyes when I turn in his arms to look up at him.
“You are not garbage.” My hands lift to cup his face. “You’ve never been garbage.”
His forehead comes down to rest against mine. Our eyes meet and I see something move at the back of his irises — something stark and sad and saturated with longing.
“Phoebe,” he whispers, that one word filled with so much hope it sounds almost like a prayer.
“I’ve—” I almost sayloved, but stop myself at the last moment. “I’ve dreamed of you half my life,” I whisper to him. “If you think you’re trash, that means I threw my dreams away on nothing. If you think you’re worthless, then you must think I’m worthless too.”
“No.” His reply is instant. “Never.”
I take a breath. “Are we worthless, Nate?”
There’s a sliver of silence as he stares at me. His hands come up around me, winding into my hair and pulling me closer.
“No.” His voice cracks. “We’re worth everything.”