The word comes to me clearly, appearing in my mind, surrounding me, brushing a shiver down my spine.
“Will I still be a Christian if… even if I don’t repent?”
The warmth becomes overwhelming this time, completely filling me until it even permeates my fingertips. I savor it, sit in the stillness, and embrace the steady presence. I don’t have all the answers right now, but I have this reassurance.
I am a Christian.
And I am falling deeper for Hannah.
When I unclasp my hands, I’m not anxious. And my mind is clear, no more racing thoughts driving me to overthink.
One step at a time, I’m moving in the right direction.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
HANNAH:Good luck tonight babe! It’s going to go well, just go with what we practiced
Instead of tagging along to Hannah’s game or third wheeling with Kristen and Vincent, I decided tonight is the night I find out what my parents think of gay people. Sunday went well when I asked Stephanie about the Gayborhood. Slipping it into the conversation worked perfectly and didn’t seem to lead her to make any assumptions about me. Since both my parents are off tonight, I’ll have the chance to talk to both of them at the same time.
I went over my plan with Hannah and came up with the perfect gay celebrity to bring up during dinner.
When Mom turns into the pickup lane, the familiar rumbling hum of her silver SUV hits me before I even see her. I toss my bag in the back, and when I close myself in the passenger seat, the smell of burning wood from a nearby chimney is replaced by the luxurious leather scent of Mom’s car. She’s always so particular about her car smelling just right.
“Hey, sweetie.” Her voice is warm but distracted as she finishestyping something out on her phone. She’s still in her scrubs, hair up in tight straight backs, her favorite style for a surgery day. “How was your day?”
“Not bad.” I flick my eyes over her, trying to gauge her mood. “How about you?”
She exhales, maneuvering the car into traffic with ease. “Busy. Two mitral valve repairs in one afternoon. You know how it is.” She smiles lightly, the kind of smile that is more about muscle memory than actual feeling.
“They went well?”
Her face unclenches. “Of course,” she brags, tilting her head toward me but not taking her eyes off the road. “Saved a few lives today.”
“No big deal,” I tease, hoping to keep things light considering what I’m working up to. I know the point of Kristen’s advice is that it’s not high stakes, but I don’t know how my parents feel about anything LGBTQ related. Mentioning a celebrity they like and highlighting that they’re gay could easily sour their mood. I need them to be in a good enough place so my soft start is exactly that, asoftstart.
As we drive, tall trees shake in the breeze. Most of the leaves have turned now, lining the suburban streets with bright yellows and reds.
We park behind Dad’s car and head inside. The second I open the door, a myriad of delicious scents waft my way. Garlic, herbs, something pan seared.
“We’re home!” Mom calls out as we kick off our shoes by the door.
“In the kitchen!” he calls back.
Dad is cooking Spanish rice and jumbo shrimp, and is charring some green peppers. It smells amazing, spicy enough that it tickles my nose from across the room. He’s nearly finished, so Mom and I set the table so that we can eat in the dining room instead of at the island.
By the time the table is set and Dad carries in platters of food, I’ve rehearsed my lines a few times in my head. Mom talks more about her day and Dad listens with genuine interest, mainly because he knows what most of the medical terms she uses mean. To me, it’s like a foreign language.
Dad turns and asks me about my day and I give him a rundown of the committee meeting. With the ball still in my court, I ask, “Want to watch a movie tonight or something?”
“Well, it’s not Thursday, so noThis Old House,” Mom says, teasing.
“That’s not the only thing I watch… I just don’t know what else is on TV.”
Mom and I crack up. Definitely the sign of a good mood.
“I thinkTwilightis on TV tonight,” I offer. “Or we could rent it.”
“Twilight,”Mom gushes, her eyes going wide. “I haven’t watched that inforever.”