As if reading my mind, she explains, “I noticed when I was processing paperwork at the end of camp. It stood out to me since most of the campers and counselors go to different schools and what brings them together is church.”
“Oh,” I say, keeping it short, not wanting to make any assumptions about where she’s going with this and say something that doesn’t need to be said.
“How is she?”
I realize I’ve been walking across a minefield and for the first time, an explosive might be right underfoot.
If I answer in a way that indicates I know how Hannah isdoing, then that’ll insinuate that we still see each other. And insinuating that will leave Mrs. Patricia to assume all the apologizing and repenting I did at the end of camp was either a lie or a failure. And if I’m now living in sin, she might feel like she needs to intervene.
“I guess she’s good,” I say slowly. “I mean, we see each other in the hallway sometimes, but we don’t really talk.”
Mrs. Patricia frowns. “You were so close at camp, that seems hard to believe.”
I try to control my facial expression, stopping myself from shifting into my own confused look. I mean, she has to be kidding. Right?
“Uh, we… we don’t run in the same circles, and we don’t have classes together. We aren’t really friends—”
“Why not?”
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out; barely enough oxygen gets inside. I’m not sure what kind of game this is, but I think I’m losing.
Mrs. Patricia raises her eyebrows, waiting for an answer.
“I—we—I—we just—”
“Hello?”
I snap around, almost having forgotten where I am. In the doorway is a woman holding the hand of a small boy. He slowly reaches under his glasses to rub his eyes, a long yawn taking over his entire face.
“Well, good morning,” Mrs. Patricia chirps, her whole demeanor shifting from inquisitor to cheery teacher.
“Is this Sunshine Saints?” a man’s voice asks from behind the woman and her son.
“Yep, right this way,” Mrs. Patricia says, gesturing for everyone to start filing into the room.
I step aside, more than relieved to slip into the background, hopefully for the rest of the morning.
Chapter Sixteen
I queue up the music as Kristen peels out of the school parking lot. Sweat pools under my thighs, making them stick to the hot leather seats. This drive is the first time I’ve relaxed since Mrs. Patricia’s ambush yesterday morning. With the Kid LAROI blaring from the speakers, I roll down my window and welcome the warm air and the smell of fresh-cut grass.
“Snoopy, stick your head back in the car,” Kristen barks, turning down the music.
I stick my tongue out at her, happy that we’re going to hang and do homework, just the two of us, like old times.
“What’s up?” I ask, knowing Kristen doesn’t turn down the volume of our after-school “musical meditation” for no reason.
“I talked to Maurice the other day,” she says, glancing at me.
“Oh?” I focus on the passing scenery to avoid her gaze.
Maurice texted me a little over the weekend too, but I was able to politely avoid him with the ever-true excuse that I was busy. Busy daydreaming about what my first real date with Hannah will be like, then spiraling over the first Sunshine Saints meeting, andthen recapping every minute of the meeting with mygirlfriend…
I keep thinking I imagined the end to Friday night and am going to wake up to find me asking Hannah to be my girlfriend was all a dream. I figure that’s partly because we haven’t been able to spend much time together, and when we did see each other today, it wasn’t like we couldbetogether. No hugging, no stolen kisses in between class or holding hands by our lockers—not like the couples I’ve found myself noticing a lot more around school.
But I caught her eye after lunch. I was alone at my locker, putting my lunch box away. And Hannah was alone at hers, trading books for her next class. For a second, we just stared at each other, and it hit me that this was the first time I was seeing her in person since Friday. I smiled. She winked and mouthed,Hey. Then a couple other students stopped at their lockers, taking up the space between us.
I was nervous that a secret relationship would cheat me out of special moments. All the dodging and hiding would amount to something less. But I loved having this tiny piece of existence that only the two of us participated in. That moment wasn’t stolen so much as it was something we created just for us.