Zach leans in. “Think he's already got her approval.”
“Of course he does. Ella's best friend is his niece.”
“And that's exactly why I don't get why you're hesitating. You hang out every time he's babysitting Maya and get along so well. I think you should at least see if there's anything there when the kids aren't.”
Wide eyed, I tilt my head to my little girl. “I don’t have time to date.”
“Not having time, and exiling yourself are two different things, T. You just choose to live in a life which revolves around your daughter, and I respect that, but as your best friend and cousin, I need to make sure you're happy too. You're not running anymore.”
That's what he thinks.
“You can make time now. I can babysit. I bet Honey could too if you asked her.”
How does he always manage to get her name in every conversation? They haven't been together in over a year, and he still can't stop talking about her.
“I'm not ready for something like that.”
He looks over at Ella, who’s happily playing with her toys and gestures me out of the room.
“I do respect your decision, Tiff. You’re by far the best mom out there, but you’re forgetting that I knew you before you became a mom. I went to school with you before I transferred out to South Point Prep.”
Before… before I made that one decision in my life that changed everything.
“You had so many hobbies before Ella. Now, all we talk about are endless lawsuits and the activities you want to get Ella involved in. You don’t buy yourself new clothes. You hardly have time to brush your hair, and I’m not faulting you for it. Like I said, you’re an incredible mom, but sometimes, when I see you zoned out on the couch, I feel like you’ve lost yourself a little bit.” He speaks quietly, and I’m not sure if it’s because he doesn’t want Ella to hear, or if he thinks saying it softly will make the blow hurt less.
“You try keeping the spark when you’re being woken up at five am by a toddler.”
Yeah, I push back a little, but I can’t deny everything he’s said rings true.
“And I do have hobbies.”
He tilts his head. “Like what?”
The silence is answer enough.
“You used to dance,” he continues. “Used to know the choreography to every Baily Hill hit released. The routines you created for the cheer squad were elite.”
I shrug, feeling utterly deflated. A pep talk from Zach was not what I needed after an encounter with Jamie. “I still do stuff.”
“When?” Zach softens. “You don’t want to put Ella in daycare, and when she’s asleep, all you do is work toward your GED. I admire your ambition, but I still think you need to make time for yourself, otherwise you’re going to end up angry and bitter like me.”
“You’re not angry and bitter.”
“Don’t try to make me feel better about myself, Tiff. I have enough self-awareness to know I haven’t been on my game since the love of my life decided to take a break from me. As if that’s even possible on a campus like this. Does she know how hard it is to pretend I haven’t memorized her schedule?”
I nod, letting him rant for a second. Zach’s frustration about his situation comes out in waves, and I’m the only person he can talk to about it, so I let him.
“But Honey’s reluctance is not the point right now. The point is that there are tons of evening classes at St. Michael’s. Dancing, pottery, writing. You could learn anything you could ever want. You won’t need to worry about Ella because I can stay with her while she sleeps. Hell, I bet even Honey would come here and help out if it meant you got a break.”
I swallow down the feeling of inadequacy and give him a nod.
Zach’s hand rests on my shoulder. “I’m not trying to be mean. I just want you to go out and act like a twenty-year-old once and a while. You deserve it.”
What I deserve? What I deserve is for my baby daddy to leave me the hell alone. But that’s not going to happen any time soon.
“I’ll think about it,” I say, more to placate Zach than anything and then head back to Ella who’s now sitting next to the pink flowers, studying them. “Would you like those in your room for your nap?”
She nods while stroking a petal.