Blood drains from my face, only to be replaced with the mortification of knowing he read that.
“Um.” I don’t know what to say. I feel like shit because I don’t want him to think I’ve been dating Reese behind his back.
“It’s okay,” he says, flicking his gaze up to me, then focusing back on Ella. “Like you said, we can’t be together right now, but you deserve a night out. I can look after Ella if you want.”
“Wait.” I stare at him, certain I've misheard. “Are you saying you want me to go on a date with Reese?”
“I want you to do something for yourself.” His voice is steady, but his hands clench slightly in his lap. “Something that isn't studying or taking care of Ella or dealing with my family's legal bullshit. You deserve that, Tiff. Even if it's not with me.”
No—that’s the first thing that comes to mind. No. I can’t do this. “Jamie—”
“I mean it.” He looks back through the window at Ella. “I'll babysit. We can do bedtime routine, watchIced Outfor the hundredth time. She'll be safe with me. You know that.”
I don’t know what to say, but I find myself watching him, taking in every expression on his face instead of watching my daughter.
It’s not his fault he’s saying this. I pushed him into this. I told him I wasn’t ready for anything, and he should be here for Ella. Instead of getting me to change my mind, he’s giving me permission to move on without him, and I’m not sure that’s what I want.
“I don't know,” I say slowly. “Reese is nice, but—”
“But you're not interested in him.” It's not a question. Jamie cracks a smile as he turns to me with the faintest blush on his cheeks. “Or you are, and I’m making this weird.”
“You're making it weird,” I confirm, though my voice lacks conviction.
His mouth quirks slightly. “Sorry. I'm trying to be supportive and mature, but apparently, I'm terrible at both.”
Despite everything, I laugh. “You really are.”
“The worst.” He grins, and for a moment, he looks like the boy from the library again. The one who made me forget everything except how it felt to be seen. “But seriously, if you want to go, I've got Ella. No strings, no ulterior motives. Just… me being here, like I promised.”
This is what I wanted, isn't it? Space to figure things out. It’s certainly what Zach and Madison think I need. The chance to figure out who I am without all the complications from the last few years. Reese is safe, and uncomplicated. He doesn’t carry any history or make me feel like my entire world is caving in with just one look.
He wouldn’t be able to break me.
So why does saying yes to Reese feel like I'm saying no to something infinitely more important?
Jamie watches me patiently now. He’s letting me decide and offering me the opportunity to walk away if that’s what I want.
“You should go,” he says, softer this time. “Have some fun.”
Fun?
The last time I went out and hadfun, I got pregnant with Ella.
I stare at the floor and scuff my shoe, so I don’t have to look at Jamie’s face. If I do, I’ll say no. I already know that. But what am I waiting for? Jamie and I can’t be together. At least not now. If we did, imagine what would happen if we broke up. Would he still want to see Ella? I can’t bring him into her life and then be the reason he leaves.
Equally, I can’t hover here forever in this half-in-and-half-out relationship with Jamie.
I need to move forward, and maybe Reese is how I do that. He’s easy. He already knows about Ella, and accepts her, and he doesn’t look at me like I could break him with a single word.
I swallow, my fingers twisting together in my lap. This is ridiculous. It’s one night. A dance class, for crying out loud. If anything, it’s just two friends going out and havingfun.
I shouldn’t be reacting like this.
Jamie shifts beside me, watching Ella and giving me the space to decide.
If I don’t go, nothing changes, and we’ll keep circling each other until someone’s heart is broken, and I can’t let that be Ella’s.
I lift my head.