“Just out for a walk.” I brush a strand of hair from her face, not mentioning meeting Zach for lunch because there’s no way that’s going to happen now. “You can keep sleeping if you want.”
“I’m not tired.” But her eyes are already drifting closed again, her body relaxing back into the stroller.
I stay crouched until I'm certain she's settled, then slowly rise, turning back to Jamie. He's watching us with an expression I can't quite read—longing, maybe? Regret? Whatever it is, I try to ignore it.
“You should go,” I say quietly. “Before she wakes up again.”
“Have you read it?” he asks instead. “The letter?”
My silence is answer enough.
He nods slowly, disappointment flickering across his face. “Right. Okay. I guess I'll just—” He takes a step back, then another. “I'm not going anywhere, Tiff. I'm enrolled. I start classes Monday. So if you want to avoid me, you're going to have to try a lot harder than walking around my new campus.”
The words should sound like a threat, but they don't. They sound like a promise. Like a warning.
Like the beginning of something I'm not ready for.
Ella stirs again, making a small sound, and that's all the motivation I need. I turn the stroller around without anotherword and start walking, my hands shaking so badly I can barely keep my grip steady.
I don't look back. Ican'tlook back, but I can feel his eyes on me the entire way across campus, burning into my back like a brand I'll never be able to get rid of.
Ella's finally asleep after fighting bedtime for an hour, and her tiny body is curled up in her Princess Blanca pajamas with her new tiara still perched crookedly on her head. I'd tried to take it off, but she'd whimpered in protest, so I left it.
My phone buzzes for the third time in five minutes, and I sigh, knowing exactly who it is.
Madison:Okay, seriously, what the HELL happened earlier??? You can't just drop “Jamie's here” and ghost me.
Madison:TIFFANY BRIGHT, I SWEAR TO GOD.
Madison:I'm calling Zach if you don't answer me in the next 10 minutes
I stare at the screen, my thumb hovering over the keys. What am I supposed to say? That I ran into Jamie on campus? That he's transferring here? That every time I close my eyes, I see him standing outside student services with his hands shoved in his pockets, looking at me like I'm the only person who matters?
My stomach twists. I can't tell her any of that. Not when I don't even understand it myself.
Tiff: I'm fine. Just saw him from a distance. Nothing happened. I'll call you tomorrow, promise.
I hit send and immediately silence my phone, tossing it onto the bed beside me.
The lie tastes bitter, but it's easier than the truth. Easier than admitting I stood there and talked to him. That he told me he'd enrolled. That he's not going anywhere.
Zach had been understanding when I texted him earlier, apologizing for missing lunch. “No worries,” he'd replied. “Rain check. You okay?” I'd lied and said yes, blamed it on Ella being fussy.
Another lie to add to the growing pile.
A lump gets caught in my throat, because I hate lying to Zach. He’s my rock. The one person who’s been there for me this entire time. When my parents kicked me out, he was the one to offer me a place to stay. When the Nicks family tried to buy me off, he was the one who researched custody laws until his eyes were bloodshot. When I thought I couldn’t handle one more sleepless night with a colicky baby, he was the one there to offer his help.
And what am I doing? Hiding from him.Lyingto him.
But how can I tell him the truth when that would unleash a storm I’m not ready to face? Zach would hunt Jamie down, and with the mood he’s in lately, I shudder to think what he might do. The last thing he needs is to lose his draft eligibility. Not to mention an assault charge on the father of my child wouldn’t look great for any future custody battles I might have to deal with.
The thought alone reinforces that I’m doing this for my own good. For now, this stays between me and Jamie.
But how long can that realistically last? He’s not leaving. He made that much clear, so Zach’s going to see him eventually. Even if Jamie somehow avoids him, Madison can’t keep a secret.She’ll tell him soon enough, and then I’ll have to face the consequences.
Consequences… a ridiculous concept when I haven’t bothered to read his letter.
I still haven’t gained the courage to, and the guilt of it all is eating away at me.