She sighs, still not looking at me. “I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure it’s not staying at St. Michael’s.”
I nod. “Understandable,” I say, feeling utter devastation that she’s finally admitted it out loud. For the last year, I’ve wondered when she was going to cut her losses and move on, and I guessnow that she’s had to stop fighting, she’s finally able to make that decision.
Not wanting her to leave just yet, I rest my hand on her arm. “Why don’t you stay?” I gesture toward the stadium. “Zach would love to see you at his last home game. He always leaves a seat open for you—and if he enters the draft after this season like everyone expects, I know it would mean something to him to have you there.”
She looks up at the stadium, and her lips purse before she shakes her head. “I can’t. I’m exhausted, and I need to get my shit together.”
“Sure.” I don’t press any further. She deserves some time to think through whatever she needs to and not have an emotional heart-to-heart in a college football stadium's parking lot with her ex-boyfriend watching. “Will you text me when you get home?”
She nods and gives me one final hug before moving to Ella and planting a kiss on her forehead. “You be good, Ella-bean. Make sure Jamie knows when to cheer at the right time. Scoring a touchdown is foreign to him.”
“Oh, it's like that now, is it?” Jamie says, still smiling.
She shrugs. “We all have our strengths and weaknesses, Jamie.”
He barks out a laugh at that. “You’re right. Even with my father’s bribes, I couldn’t make it off the bench. That’s always been Zach’s realm.”
“All right, I’m heading out, but I hope you all have a great time. Call me if you need me,” she says to all of us before she walks away toward her car with her head down, avoiding eye contact with everyone.
Watching her leave doesn’t make me feel good. Here I am, moving forward with what feels like my best life, while she’s restarting hers.
She's lost, and I desperately want to help her the way she's helped me, but I don't think she'll accept it.
Not yet, at least.
“She'll come around,” Jamie says as if he can hear my thoughts. “That meeting with our fathers was intense yesterday. I'm not surprised she needs a break before she tries to figure out what's next.”
“Oh, yeah? How are you feeling about it?” I ask as we walk toward the entrance of the stadium.
“Pretty damn good.”
“Uh, oh! You're going to need to put a dollar in the swear jar,” Ella says, grabbing Jamie's cheeks so he's looking directly at her.
“Okay, Princess. It's the first thing I'll do when we get home.” His cheeks are pushed so close together, he can barely get the words out.
“Good.” She lets go and is almost bouncing with excitement as we enter the stadium. After passing security, Jamie puts Ella on his shoulders, and we head to our seats.
“Can we get popcorn, Mommy?” Ella asks, pointing excitedly at one of the confectionary stands.
“Maybe at halftime, baby.”
When we're in our seats, I pull out Ella's foam finger as she sits on one of Jamie's knees, excitedly watching the cheerleaders and the marching band below.
“You good?” I place my hand on Jamie's knee, stopping it from bouncing. It takes him a second to turn his attention to me.
“Yeah, I've just never been in the crowd for a game before,” he admits quietly. “Feels weird watching Zach out there when I used to torment him in high school.”
“You’re always talking about Zach and high school. It’s almost like you like to live in the past.”
“What does that mean?” He tilts his head, a small smile drawing on his face.
“I don't know. You're always worried about what an idiot you were before instead of focusing on all the incredible things you're doingnow.No one has a squeaky clean past, Jamie. At least you worked to change it. You're trying to be a better person, and so far, you're succeeding.”
“I hope so,” he says, only loud enough for me to hear.
Southern Collegiate enters the field, their burgundy and gold uniforms striking against the green turf.
Jamie laughs. “Of course I'd have to root against my old school tonight.” I glance at him, and for a second I expect to see him staring at the field, thinking about all the things he left behind for us, but instead, he barks out a laugh and knocks me on the shoulder. “To new beginnings.”