Am I just a collection of everyone else’s choices for me, held together with the simmering hope that it will make me whole?
Jenni lets out an exaggerated sigh and pats Chris on the shoulder. “Yeah, I guess that’s what happened with you,” she says, her tone extra sweet, “but look at us now.” She waves her hands in a grand gesture. “One big, happy lunch gang.”
“Mm-hmm.” I look between the two of them, smiling at how happy they’ve made each other.
“On that note, I should probably check on said roommate,” Jenni says, glancing at her watch, then at the two of us. “You know, make sure she’s not outside his dorm with binoculars.”
“That’s convenient,” Chris mutters.
“You’ll thank me later.” She winks, tossing her bag over her shoulder, already heading out before I can ask what that meant.
I turn to Chris with a smile. “Guess that leaves you and me.”
He doesn’t look up, just keeps his eyes fixed on his plate.
“Yup. Just you and me.”
The mood has changed, and I don’t know why. Anxiety creeps up my spine, and my mind starts to race. He doesn’t want to be here with just me, does he? He’s only entertaining me for his girlfriend.
I clear my throat. “Is everything okay?”
“I’m good.” He finally looks up, and something shifts in his face when our eyes meet. Much like earlier, I must not be hiding it well. The worry, the sharp sting of rejection curling in my gut, because his expression softens.
I force a smile, hoping it patches whatever awkward thing just passed between us.
Please let this not be weird. Please let me be wrong.
Chris sighs. “Honey, look—there’s something—”
I cringe when my phone buzzes loudly, jolting us out of our conversation. One glance at the screen and my entire body relaxes.
Zach:Just finished my training session. Thought about last night the entire time. Hope you haven’t forgotten that the left side of the bed is yours. Love you, Honeycomb.
I don’t respond immediately, mainly because I can feel Chris’s gaze on me, lingering and expectant, so I flip the phone face-down on the table and meet his eyes.
“Sorry. Just a text from my boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend?” His brows pinch together, and his mouth flattens. “You’ve never mentioned you had a boyfriend before.”
“Yeah,” I drag the word out as guilt prickles low in my belly. It’s the first time I’ve actively not mentioned Zach to people I’m hanging out with. I don’t know—I guess I just didn’t want them to immediately slap a label on me. Since they didn’t seem to care or ask questions, I didn’t supply any of the information myself.
And even though I’d never admit it out loud, I kind of liked being seen as just Honey. No other expectations were put on me. I was just the girl in their English class who still hasn’t decided on a major.
“I don’t really talk about him much,” I admit sheepishly.
Chris’s eyes narrow just slightly. “Why not? Are you guys having problems?”
That’s his first guess?
“No,” I say quickly, hands up in defense. “No. Nothing like that. It’s just… whenever I bring him up, the conversation inevitably becomes about him.”
“Oh.” He raises a curious brow and great, now I’m going to have to tell him.
“He’s kind of a big deal on the football team.”
“Yeah?” Chris lifts a shoulder. “Wouldn’t know. I stick to the ice.”
Relief rushes through me like a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. Chris’s smile fades, leaving him looking bored, disinterested. Maybe he really doesn’t care about things like that. Either way, I don’t bother telling him who Zach is.