Humiliation scorches my skin because that’s literally all I remember.
No words. No feelings… just his mouth on me.
I don’t know what I said, or why I even came here, and the more I reach for it, the more my mind slams the door shut.
The warm scent of coffee drifts upstairs, and as much as I want to hide in his bed, caffeine might be the only thing keeping me alive right now.
Reluctantly, I throw off the covers and sit up slowly. Wincing, my head shrieks in protest.
“I’m never drinking again,” I mutter to myself, annoyed that I ever thought going out for a drink would help solve any of my problems.
I grab one of Zach’s shirts, shrug it on and push off the bed, heading for the hallway, my legs barely cooperating.
As soon as I crack open the door, I can hear Zach’s voice much more clearly.
“Yes. Tell Ellie-bear that I’ve got someIced Outsheets on her bed already waiting.”
Tiff. He’s talking to Tiff, and suddenly I feel even worse showing up at his door with what feels like my life in pieces. Zach has enough on his plate—football, college, family—he doesn’t need to add crumbling girlfriend to the list.
“Stop it. It’s not a lot. It’s what family does,” Zach says. “Besides, the house is huge, and it feels so empty without people in it.”
Empty.
He’s not directly talking about me, but I can’t stop hearing it that way.
Here he is, building a life, earning a living before he’s even left college, and I’m too busy drowning in my own failure, grasping at anything to make my life feel like it has meaning.
“Yeah, she’s excited too. Can’t wait to see you both. She’s upstairs sleeping.”
Holding the banister, I freeze. They’re talking about me.
“I’m letting her,” Zach says softly. “She was pretty upset last night.”
I press closer to the banister, desperate, hoping this conversation will fill in the gaps the whiskey left behind.
“I don’t know. She’s been drinking.” There’s a pause, then—”Yeah, I know. I know. I don’t know who she was with or what happened, but she showed up completely broken.”
My breath hitches, and I sink onto the top step.
“I’m worried about her, Tiff.”
My throat constricts as embarrassment takes over. He sees right through me. He always has, but why does that fact make me feel even more like a failure?
“I’ve tried, T,” he sighs. “I’ve tried so damn hard to get her to see what I see, but she either can’t or doesn’t want to.”
Tears start to blur my vision as I cross my arms, folding myself forward.
“You know her. She finds it really hard to accept help and doesn’t want anyone to feel like they owe her anything.”
“Wait, hetoldyou?” Zach asks, shocked.
My breath catches.He?Who’s he?
“No. No. Don’t talk to her about it. Let me figure it out. All she wants is for you and Ella to be here and safe.”
I press my hand to my mouth, muffling a sob. I don’t know what they’re talking about, but I can guess. My father told her what I did, and I’m sure they think it’s too much, but it’s not. It’s all I have to offer and maybe if I do something good enough with the privilege I was handed, it’ll finally fill this aching feeling in my chest.
“Yeah, I should probably go check on her.”