“I’ve been told I’m a good kisser but not that good…”
“Oh, you’re better than that good. Every time you touch me is better than the last. I can’t get enough.”
“It’s the same for me.”
“The difference is that I don’t bring anything to the table. And before you say you don’t need anything, you do. Even if you don’t know it, you need me to be a partner, not a liability.”
“You’re not a liability. You bring warmth to the table. Companionship that isn’t settling—we legit have a lot in common. You’re sweet and beautiful and thoughtful. Like the evening you planned last night. That’s what I need from you. Not money. Just time and attention and…love. And I mean that in both senses of the word. Yes, for it to work out we’d need to fall in love, but I’m also talking about being loving. Giving me a shoulder to lean on when I’m having a tough day. Reaching out when I’m on the road just to say you’re thinking about me—things that make me feel loved.”
I throw myself against him and wrap my arms around his neck. His arms close around me and I revel in his warmth. His strength. Hisvulnerability.
“That’s what I want too. It’s nice that you have money, I won’t lie, but I’d rather have the things you described with a poor guy than be nothing but an afterthought with a rich guy.”
“And I’d rather have what we have with someone who thinks she’s a liability than have something superficial with a successful workaholic.”
I don’t know if that’s a reference to his ex or not but I don’t care. I love how honest we’re being. I’ve never had a conversation like this with a man before. Of course, I’ve never met a man like West before.
“I don’t know what to do next,” I whisper against his hair. “I want to move in, more than anything, but it can’t be because it’s the only way I can afford this car. That just puts us at a disadvantage.”
“What if…” He pulls away just enough to look down into my face. “What if I just buy the car and you drive it? I know you’re worried about things not working out between us, but I can’t let you bewithout a car. And buying another old, used car that you can afford is just going to land you right back where you are now. Let me help. Let me be your person. Even when you feel like a liability.”
Tears stream down my face as I press my lips to his. I don’t know how to respond, I just know I’m crazy about him and don’t want to lose him. There are a lot of logistics to think about, including his relationship with Joey, but right now I need to be close to him. To revel in everything he is and what we’re becoming together.
It’s only been two weeks but it feels like an eternity. Like we’ve always known each other and were always meant to be together. I can’t bring myself to say those words out loud but I know he’s right here with me. I can feel it in his touch, his kisses, and the beating of his heart.
“I need you,” I breathe against his mouth.
The words are barely out of my mouth before I’m flat on my back with him on top of me, his mouth pillaging mine. His steely erection is pressed against my stomach and he pauses just long enough to grab a condom out of the nightstand.
“Tell me how you want it.”
“Hard and fast and hot—show me how much you want me.”
And he does.
Chapter
Twenty-Five
West
Though I’m dying to take Serena out on the romantic date I promised her, Saturday night is osso bucco night. We went shopping separately, though I gave her money for the groceries and we’re going to cook together in my kitchen. We’ve invited not just my roommates, but also Jayne’s boss at the library, Kelly, and Coach Teller and his husband, Viggo. I’ve been promising them a meal but between the travel schedule and the weather, we haven’t done it yet. So this should be a fun night.
The pipes at Serena’s place finally thawed, and everything is back in working order, but she’s still here.
With me.
There hasn’t been a formal discussion about it, it’s simply been easier because we haven’t figured out the car situation yet. I’m probably going to buy the damn car for myself and let her use it. She’ll grumble at first but I think deep down she likes when I do things for her.
And I like doing them.
I’m usually very cognizant of overstepping boundaries but everything is different with Serena. She needs something I can provide, so I do. Or at least, I want to. It’s getting to a point where we have to talk about the car because she’s been driving my SUVwhile I’ve been using the Ferrari, but I can’t get my hockey stuff in it so I wind up catching a ride with one of the guys.
Again, it’s not a big problem short-term, but we’re tiptoeing around the bigger issue—me helping her financially. The only issue we haven’t delved into is my relationship with Joey. We both know that if things continue, I’m going to fall into a role I’m not sure I’m emotionally prepared for. I don’t spend a lot of time with him, and none one-on-one, and it’s not that I don’t want to—I feel like I have to be cautious for both of us. He loves hanging out with the guys, Vik and Bodi especially, since they do all the big brother/uncle/dad things. Chase him around the yard. Teach him curse words in Russian. Show him how to shoot a foam puck into a makeshift net.
They’re picking up the slack for me, and I waffle between relief and guilt.
Is it a crime that I don’t want to get attached to another kid that could potentially get taken away from me?