She’s a grown woman who can choose her own car. She’s been on her own a long time—she doesn’t need me to step in and try to run her life.
I just want to help.
What I don’t want is to be overbearing.
We’re involved, even though we haven’t defined our relationship, so I feel like she should accept my help. But how do I do it in away that doesn’t seem like overstepping boundaries? I guess we have to talk about it.
I make an appointment at a local dealership before I pick her up from work. She’s leaving a little early so we can look at cars before she has to pick up Joey, but I don’t think we’re on the same page about new versus used.
“Hi.” She smiles as she slides into the passenger seat.
“Hi yourself.” I lean over to kiss her. “How was your day?”
“Not bad. How was practice?”
“Always good.”
“Excellent.” She fastens her seatbelt. “So, where are we headed?”
“We have to talk about expectations.”
“What do you mean?” She sounds confused.
“I’m in no position to tell you what to do. I know that. But I have opinions, so instead of just barraging you with what I think, let’s discuss your budget.”
She sighs as she stares straight ahead. “I guess I don’t have a set budget. My goal was to keep the car I have until Joey starts kindergarten. Then the ridiculous amount I spend on daycare goes away and I can add a car payment without having to tighten my belt.”
“Do you have any wiggle room at all?”
“Yeah, but that means…” She shakes her head. “It’s complicated. It won’t just be the car payment, but then my insurance will go up because it’s a new car. That could be four or five hundred dollars a month that I truly don’t have.” She dips her head. “And it’s humiliating.”
“It’s not.” I reach across the console for her hand. “Let’s just look at a few options, see what the payments will come to, and then after dinner tonight, we can crunch numbers.”
She looks like she’s going to cry, and it breaks my heart.
“I work so hard,” she whispers, shaking her head. “I mean, I make a decent living but it’s just me. My rent includes utilities, but I still have my phone, car insurance, cable, gas, groceries, and internet. I mean, my take home pay, after taxes and health insurance, is twenty-five hundred. Daycare for Joey is seven-fifty a month. My rent is eleven hundred… there simply isn’t much left over.”
Fuck.
I hate this for her and for me. I’m in a position to help but are we at a place in our relationship where I can offer to without making things awkward?
“You know I want to help,” I say after a moment. “But I don’twant things to be weird. And I really don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything.”
“I know. That’s my worry too.”
I squeeze her fingers. “How can I help? Really. Is there anything I can do to make this work?”
“I don’t know.”
“Let’s stick to the plan,” I say after a beat. “We’ll go look at a few cars, get some data, and then talk about it tonight.”
“Nothing is going to change. You can do the math in your head. Until I can eliminate daycare costs, I can’t afford much of anything extra.”
“Maybe there’s a way for you to make some extra money,” I say thoughtfully.
“I can’t get a second job—what would I do with Joey?”
“Let me think about it. There are a handful of single guys on the team who might love to have someone meal prep for them. Maybe you could spend a few hours on the weekends, with Joey, doing that.”