Hopefully, she’s going to meet them soon.
We talk a little more but we’re both fading, and the next thing I know it’s morning.
Chapter
Twelve
Serena
I’m up early, before Joey and West, and I leave them in bed as I try to clean up as best I can in the bathroom. Being cold sucks, and the next big-ticket item I’m going to save up for is a damn generator. West told me he has one at his house and his roommates have been warm and toasty.
It’s not too bad during the day here, but last night Joey’s room got downright frigid. Mom guilt set in immediately, and though it was frustrating having to bring him into bed with us, it was the only option. There was no way I was going to leave my baby in that cold room, even though he was wearing flannel pajamas and had two blankets on his bed.
My face gets a little warm as I think about what West and I were doing just before Joey interrupted us.
Did I really go down on him like that?
I’m not embarrassed but part of me is worried that he’ll somehow think less of me. I know it’s ridiculous. It takes two to tango and we’re consenting adults, but the past comes back to haunt me sometimes. I slept with Joey’s father the night I met him, and the night after that. It seemed like we had a connection and he was interested in seeing me again.
Until I told him I was pregnant.
Then he said something along the lines of ‘women like youaren’t the kind of women you settle down with—you’re the kind we just have fun with.’ I know he’s a jerk. I understand that it’s a failing on his part, not mine, but it still hurts when I think about it.
And obviously it’s made me a little insecure.
Does West think the same thing? That I’m just someone he wants to have fun with? And if so, what are we doing?
It’s just a kiss, angel…
That’s what he said but there have been a lot of kisses. Touching. A blow job. Some orgasms. Is that all it is? A little sexual distraction while we’re stuck here together?
Maybe I’m naïve.
A stupid girl from the south who has more looks than brains.
Ugh.
I really need to stop this self-deprecation.
I’m better than that.
If West thinks less of me for putting out, so to speak, that’s on him. Because he participated too. Anything he thinks of me, well, it applies to him as well. That’s all there is to it. And I’ll keep telling myself that until I believe it. Which may take the rest of my life, but I’m trying.
Steeling my resolve, I finish getting ready for the day, changing into clean sweats and underclothes, and brushing my hair back into a ponytail. I don’t mind the lack of electricity other than how cold it gets where Joey sleeps, but the one thing that’s beyond inconvenient is not being able to shower. Or wash my hair. Or give Joey a bath. That’s part of his routine and I know that’s partly why he woke up last night.
When I walk into the kitchen, the sky is dark and ugly, which is a little foreboding.
“Morning.” West comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my middle.
“Morning.” I lean back against him.
“I have an idea,” he says after a moment.
“What kind of idea?”
“Rudy said the main roads look okay. He walked up there early this morning. It’s supposed to be forty today, which means the ice will start melting.”
“So, we can go see what happened to my car?”