Mima snatched the phone from Mom’s hand, and she shook her head in deep disappointment. “You mean to tell me you came spinning into my apartment over adog?”
“Not just a dog,Mamá,” Mom squeaked. “Thedog. Her name is Bella, and she’s just the most adorable thing in the world.”
“Oh, great.” Mima groaned, rolling her eyes. “Another vagina in the family.”
I snickered a little under my breath.
“What is wrong with you ladies? When are you going to settle down and bring a man over for dinner! I am getting sick of eating each week with you two dopeheads. And plus, I’m getting up there in age and would like to attend your weddings someday!”
“What did you think I meant when I said I was in love?” Mom questioned. “That I was bringing a guy around?” She cringed in disgust.
“Is that so crazy?” Mima asked.
“Um, a little. There is no way a guy is more exciting than a puppy. What could a guy give me that a puppy couldn’t? Love, comfort, snuggles—”
“Orgasms,” Mima said, causing me to spit out my wine in shock.
“Mima!”
“What?! It’s true. You went out to get a puppy because you were probably getting sick of being home alone, right, Camila?”
“Well, yes.”
“You know what could make you feel even less alone athome? A big, strong man. Plus, he can dick you down, which is a win-win.”
Oh my gosh, my grandmother was talking about orgasms and being dicked down. This conversation just took a very odd turn.
“Where did you learn that phrase?!” I gasped.
She shrugged. “A few twenty-year-olds were talking in the coffee shop about some guys they were dicking down.”
Mom groaned and rubbed her forehead. “Please stop saying ‘dicked down,’ Mom.”
“Why? We are all grown-ups here. I’m sure we have all been dicked down a time or two.”
“Mima,” I said, trying to stifle my chuckles, “are we really talking about orgasms at Sunday dinner?”
Mom’s phone dinged, and she eagerly went to respond. Her cheeks turned rosy, and she turned her back toward us for a moment as she began typing back.
“Sorry, it was the Humane Society. They said I can pick up Bella tonight if I come when I’m done here!” she exclaimed.
“See? Don’t you miss that, Shannon Sofia?” Mima asked, gesturing toward my mother. “Even though your mother is showcasing that excitement over a mutt, it’s still thrilling. Something that makes your heart race faster and faster.”
“I’m not into heart attacks,” I replied.
Mima frowned. “When did you become so unromantic? You used to live for good love stories. You still write love stories, but you’re telling me that you don’t believe in love anymore?”
“I can write love stories and not believe in the concept, Mima. I doubt Melissa Mathison and Steven Spielberg believed in E.T., but they did a great job creating that film. Besides, my relationship is fine.”
“Fine,” Mima huffed, waving her hand toward me in dismissal. “No one wants to befinein a relationship. You want to be alive.”
“Maybe we should drop this conversation,” I offered. I didn’t want to talk about my dating life anymore, and luckily, Mom was quick to go on and on about Bella.
On the way out, Mima packed me up some leftovers and placed her hands on my cheeks. “I hope you know that my worry and concern for your romantic life comes from a place of love, Shannon Sofia. I fear that if you keep down this road of hardness with your heart, soon it will turn to stone.”
I gave her a lazy smile, leaned in, and kissed her chin. “Don’t worry, Mima. This heart of mine is still beating.”
Just not solely for the attention of men.