I knew that after loving Landon, I wouldn’t be able to ever fully give my love away again. My heart froze over after he left me. It would’ve taken a miracle for it to someday defrost, and I was no longer in the realm of believing in miracles.
33Landon
One Year Later
I sat across from Dr.Smith, feeling as if I’d hit rock bottom. The part where all you could do was stand and begin again. I’d been in Los Angeles for ages—trying to find myself, trying to make something more of me so I could heal for Shay. Instead, I found a fame that felt undeserved, and I buried myself in a persona that wasn’t real. It was easier than facing my demons, but that was the issue with running from your troubles. You always grew tired, and the same old troubles you ran away from had a way of catching up with you.
I crossed my arms, feeling like shit for the way I tried to run away from my true problems. Dr.Smith asked me to be honest, so I told her that I’d tell her everything.
Dr.Smith asked me to be honest, so I told her that I’d tell her everything. Even the hardest, darkest parts of my past few months. I had fallen off the path, and I wasn’t sure how to return to it.
Dr.Smith smiled. “I’m proud of you, Landon.”
“For what?”
“Being brave enough to begin again. So where are we starting today? What box do you want to unpack first? I’m certain there have been a lot of things that have happened to you over the past few years. Let’s get a starting point.”
“Well...” I took in a deep breath and shook my head slightly. “We can start with my overdose.”
Part 2
34Landon
Ten Years Later
“You better wrap up whatever you’re writing, because we’re about to pull up to the building,” Willow said, glancing my way before returning her stare back to her cell phone.
I looked down at my notebook and grimaced. The words weren’t flowing too easily that afternoon.
Every single day, I wrote one single letter.
Hundreds of words jotted down on lined paper. Different ink colors, different strokes, different ways of expressing the love.
Some of them were short, while others went on for pages and pages. I shared parts of me in the ruled notebooks, bleeding every feeling I’d ever felt through the ink of the pen. I’d been writing letters for a few years now. I never thought I’d be the type to write love letters to individuals, but it was something that became a staple of my life.
Each letter dripped in truth, something that was very lacking in my day-to-day life. It was no secret that if not for Shay Gable, I never would’ve picked up a pen to express myself.
Now it came to me as naturally as showering and brushing my teeth.
I’d never known words could heal until I picked up a pen and bled them out.
“Are you ready?” Willow asked, glancing my way for a splitsecond before looking down at her cell phone and typing away, probably dealing with the disaster that was my inbox. Willow had been my assistant for the past few years, and without her skills, I never would’ve made it to an audition, screening, or interview appointment. All in all, she ran my life from top to bottom.
We were sitting in a black SUV outsideThe Tonight Show, and I was trying my best to prepare myself for the mayhem when I opened the door and climbed out of the vehicle. I’d been doing this fame thing for over ten years now, and still, I wasn’t used to it. I wasn’t used to walking down the street and hearing people scream my name. I wasn’t used to having people wait for me to arrive at venues just for a chance to get a glimpse of me. I wasn’t used to people caring about my existence.
Well, about my made-up existence, at least.
They cared about my acting persona—Landon Pace, Hollywood’s golden boy.
They couldn’t have cared less about the real me.
Still, I was thankful.
I’d had fans stand out in the most extreme weather conditions throughout the years just to snap a quick photograph with me. If that wasn’t humbling, I didn’t know what was. It didn’t change the fact that I had to work up the nerve to get out of the vehicle every damn time because once I stepped outside, the show was on. I’d smile, I’d be charming, and I’d be everything they dreamed me to be and more. I’d give my fans my all, and then I’d go home and crash with my dog.
I took a deep breath, closing my notebook. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a cherry Jolly Rancher and popped it into my mouth. “Ready.”
“OK. I’ll make sure to snap some photographs of youinteracting with the fans.” Willow inched her body closer to the door and grabbed the handle. “Let’s go.”