I shut my eyes. I tried to push back my emotions. I triedto understand why she hadn’t yet run away from the mess that was me.
“Can I ask you something that I asked you before?” she whispered, her voice low, controlled, perfect.
“Yes.”
“Are you depressed?”
The tears rolled down my cheeks, and I didn’t even try to wipe them away. I nodded slowly, feeling as if there was a bomb inside my chest that was seconds away from exploding. “Yes.”
“OK.” She sighed and moved in closer. “OK.”
That was all she said. She didn’t run. She didn’t tell me my depression was wrong. She didn’t shy away.
That was exactly what I needed.
I just needed someone to stay.
Her mouth fell against the scars, and she gave them small kisses. She made sure to kiss every single one before moving to my cheeks and kissing my tears away.
“You are more than the story these scars tell, Landon. You are more than your uncle. You are more than your depression. You are kind.” She kissed my chest. “You are strong.” She kissed my neck. “You are intelligent.” She kissed my palms. “You are talented.” She kissed my thumbs. “You are beautiful.” She kissed the corners of my eyes. “And this world needs you. I know those are just words, and you might not even believe them, but I am going to tell you them every single day, just as a reminder when you need it.”
She kept telling me things about myself as she kissed every piece of me. For every scar, she gave five more compliments, which she called my truths. For every painful memory, she promised me a better one for the future. She kissed my scars and called them beautiful.
“Landon?” she whispered.
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry I never noticed your sad.”
I kissed the temple of her head, wanting her to stay forever. “I’m sorry I never noticed yours.”
“Landon?”
I gently smiled. “Yes?”
She leaned forward and kissed the history resting against my chest. “I think your scars are beautiful.”
Fuck, Chick...
I blinked away my tears. “I think your scars are beautiful, too.”
She pressed her body against mine. “Landon?”
I replied with a lowered tone, almost feeling breathless. “Yes?”
Her forehead fell against mine. “I want all of you against me. Please...?”
I hesitated for a moment, knowing what a big deal this was for her. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, but...” She paused her slight movements and looked at me with an intense, emotional stare. There was a gentle fear that sat uncomfortably in her brown eyes. Her vulnerabilities were loud and clear as she lay in my bed. “Can you do something for me?” she whispered as she placed her hands against my bare chest.
“Anything.”
She lowered my lips to hers and slipped her soft syllables straight into my mind. “Go slow.”
I didn’t know if she meant go slow with her body or with her heart.
I took my time with both.