I didn’t see that coming.
“We need you to shake her up a little. Push her in a way she doesn’t see coming,” Raine explained. “Shay is working hard to keep you at a distance, and if you came to her with nice words, she’d push them away without thought. So you have to get under her skin. If you treat her as if you’re a jerk, she’ll be so confused that she’ll have to react. Her blood will begin to boil, and she’ll be forced to interact with you. There’s no way she won’t stand up for herself if you treat her like a monster, and then that’s when you sweep in with part two of this plan.”
“She’s right,” Camila agreed. “Be rude to her.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Wait. So you want me to be a jerk to your daughter?”
“Not only do I want you to do it; Ineedyou to do it. Go ahead, Landon—use those acting skills. Confuse her. Treat my daughter like shit.”
“Can I say shit, too, Dad?” Karla asked Greyson.
“No, you cannot say shit,” Greyson replied.
I smiled a little and clasped my hands together. “OK, so what’s part two of this plan?”
“Ohh.” Raine swooned, clapping her hands together. “You’re going to love this part, guaranteed.”
57Shay
I’d spent the past few months focusing on the teaching job I’d landed. I was teaching an adjunct screenwriting class at a university, and shockingly, I found a lot of joy in the role. Each day that passed, I tried my best not to think about Landon. I tried not to recall how much I missed him, but I couldn’t stop him from crossing my mind.
He showed up each day unwelcomed in my thoughts, and like the foolish woman I was, I let the thoughts linger. Plus, even after our split, he was still so good to me. After Sarah lied on television, Landon did an interview telling the truth about what happened with my screenplay. He spoke up on my behalf and voiced the cruelty of Sarah’s actions without a moment’s hesitation.
That made it even harder for me to stop thinking about him. He protected me in rooms I was not invited into. He spoke life into my talents and had agents reaching out to me about my work. He opened doors that had previously been slammed in my face. But even outside of the things he did for me, I simply missed... him.
I missed his laughter. His touch. His twisted sense of humor. I missed his eyes. His smile. His heart.
I missed his heart the most, and how gently it beat.
I missed him so much that I still cried every so often over him being gone.
I thought I’d be able to turn off my feelings for him like I had when I was younger, but it wasn’t that easy this time around.
I was having the hardest time truly letting him go. Maybe because falling for him as an adult felt different. It felt easier in a way. Right up until the point I saw a flash of concern and pushed him away. Why was I like this? Why did I allow fear to control me in such a heartbreaking way? I wanted to love him. I just couldn’t find a way to love him correctly because I had so many of my own fears guiding my ship.
Aunt Paige would’ve been so disappointed in me. I no longer led with my heart; I led with logic. And that left my heart aching to beat freely for the very man I was too afraid to let back in. My spirit was unraveled, and I had no idea how to recalibrate my nervous system.
I was doing just fine in my spiraling self-loathing until I began receiving the oddest text messages from Landon before the holiday.
Landon:I’m daydreaming about you sitting on my face. Thinking of me, too?
What?
What in the hell was that?
Did he accidentally text the wrong girl?
That made my stomach flip in the worst possible way.
I ignored it.
The next day, another message came through from Landon.
Landon:DTF?
Landon:I’ve been dreaming about swimming between your thighs.
What in the world?