“Oh my gosh, Landon.” My hands shot to my chest as he unfolded the story I wasn’t ready to hear. “You overdosed?”
He nodded. “Not on purpose, but yeah. I’d come home with my mind moving a million miles per hour, and I took my depression pills to try to slow down my thoughts. It didn’t help that I was drunk off my ass.”
“I would’ve never thought... Every time I saw you on the internet, you looked so happy.”
“The joys of acting,” he joked. “No one can tell when you’re really happy or just playing a role.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “We were already so far into postproduction with my film with Sarah, and they didn’t want the overdose scandal to get out. So they redirected the narrative and made it appear as if Sarah and I were a couple. After those pictures, I checked into an inpatient psych center like the one Karla’s at and got back on track with my meds. I started seeing my therapist Dr.Smith again, too. It was the worst period of my life, and I had to fight like hell to come back from it, but I did.”
A heavy pit of confusion settled in the bottom of my stomach. “Why didn’t you come back to me? Why did you push me away? I would’ve understood. You could’ve explained it all to me.”
His blues looked up at me with a gentleness I hadn’t seen before. He tilted his head and shrugged. “You deserved to be happy. I showed up once to explain things, but I felt as if I was too late. You were laughing on campus with some guy, and I was still pretty messed up in the head. I knew if I saw you, there wouldn’t be a lot of laughing for a while. There would bea lot of pain, of struggle with you trying to hold me up while I fell apart, and I didn’t want that for you. I didn’t want to be your burden anymore.”
Some guy?
My mind started racing back to my college years, trying to pinpoint which guy he was talking about. The only person who came to mind was Jason, and we were never anything more than friends even though he’d wanted more. He’d come over a few times to see if we could make something work, but nothing ever developed into more than friendship.
“Landon.” I moved in closer to him, taking his hands into mine. My forehead rested against his as his breaths brushed against my skin. “I would’ve taken our hard days over happy days with any other person in this world.”
“I know. That’s why I had to walk away. You would’ve given up your happiness to swim in my darkness, and I didn’t want that for you. I didn’t want you to drown, too. I wanted to be able to give you the happy days more than the sad, so I had to walk away. I had to get right with my mind and learn how to lean on myself instead of leaning on you. But do understand... even though I had a lot of bad days, the worst day of my life was when I had to walk away from you.”
Our hands clasped together, and I closed my eyes as his words embedded themselves into my heart and soul. I moved in even closer to the point that I was in his lap, and his hands were wrapped around me.
Our lips brushed against one another as my heart began pounding wildly within my chest. “Tell me your biggest truth, and I’ll tell you mine.” I sighed against his mouth, gentle kisses rolling against him.
“I never stopped missing you,” he confessed, his handsmaking small circles against my lower back. “I never stopped dreaming about you,” he whispered as his mouth moved to my neck. “I never stopped wanting you,” he promised. “And I never stopped loving you.”
“I love you, too, Landon,” I confessed, feeling so raw, exposed, and protected in his arms. “More than words, I love you. I tried to bury it. I tried to delete it from my heart, but that heart? It still beats for you. It always has, and it always will.”
“Give me another chance to prove to you that I’m man enough to care for your heartbeats?” His voice was timid and low as he locked eyes with me.
“Yes, but please...” I took a deep inhalation. “Go slow.”
We made love that night, and it felt different than any of the times before. It felt stronger, stable. Real. As Landon slid inside me, it felt as if we were releasing everything we were before in order to become who we were truly meant to be with one another. He made love with his apologies, and I made love with my own. Every time my nails dug deeper into his skin, I prayed he could tell how much I loved him, how much I missed him, how much I needed him. Each time he kissed me, his lips on my lips, his soul pouring into mine, I thanked God for second chances. For new beginnings. For us and our happily ever after.
Landon locked his eyes with mine as I cried out in bliss from his steady thrusts. I wanted to lose myself against him, and I wasn’t even scared of that fact because I knew he’d take care of every single part of my heart that I gave to him. He’d love me through my ups and downs. I’d love him through his, too.
The sex that night wasn’t simply sex; it was a promise. A promise to keep showing up for one another. A promise to forgive and let go of our past mistakes. A promise of forever.Forever... Landon made that promise to me over and over andoveragain that night. I promised him the same.
I swore to give him all of me. Even the jaded edges of my soul. Even the broken pieces of my heart. Because he’d hold all my scars and still call them beautiful.
Just as I would with his own.
53Shay
One Thursday morning, Greyson called and asked me to come visit Karla. I was surprised when the call came through, because I was certain Karla wouldn’t want anything to do with me due to my connection with Eleanor. I headed to the clinic as soon as they called.
My nerves were through the roof as I walked down the hallway toward Karla’s room. When I looked into her space, I smiled as I saw her sitting at the desk with her notebook and pen, scribbling away.
I didn’t know what she was writing, but I was happy to see her pouring words onto the page. No matter what, the written word had a way to heal broken souls.
“Hey, you,” I said, making Karla look up from her notebook.
Her eyes widened with joy, and she came limping in my direction. “Hi.”
She stood in front of me for a moment, rubbing her hand up and down her arm as she stared at the floor.
I smiled. “Well, are you going to hug me or what?”
A breath pushed through her lips as if she was waiting for permission to give me a warm embrace. She wrapped her arms around me and held on tight.