“I am not Yvonne, and I cannot speak for her. She will not speak of her history; if she remembers it clearly at all, it is as nightmare, and those nightmares stopped plaguing her months after she arrived. Lord Severn’s caution is not without merit.”
“But you think it’s not necessary?”
“I am uncertain, Lord Kaylin. But it is true that the Barrani do not understand the nature of the many tests that lead, in the end, to the duty and responsibility of the Lady.”
“I didn’t get tested.”
“Is that what you believe?”
Kaylin grimaced. “If I did, it was so subtle I missed it, what with everything else going on. Giant Shadow in the basement, trapped souls, that kind of thing.”
“I wish to remind you that the Giant Shadow in the basement, as you call them, is now aguestin these Halls. Terrano has spent much time with them.”
Kaylin had an idea where this was heading, and she didn’t like it.
The Avatar’s smile was reminiscent of Teela’s—when she was involved in training in the Halls of Law. “Indeed. I would like you to return to the Tower of testing before you depart for the day.”
Kaylin exhaled. Shecouldsay no, but didn’t see the point. If she said no, the Avatar would speak to Teela. Teela would encourage her to say yes. Maybe.
I doubtthat, Severn replied.I’ll go with you if you go.
I think you’ll need permission. Or an invitation.
If I get neither, I’ll ask Terrano to escort me.
“Does this invitation involve my partner?”
“Yes. I do not wish to antagonize An’Tellarus, so I will not extend the invitation to Yvonne at this time. But I will, before she meets in person with the Lady.”
“Do I have to be there when the two of them meet?”
Yes, Ynpharion snapped.
“I believe it would add a level of comfort for both of the other participants.” The Avatar’s voice was gentle.
Kaylin wanted to know why it was supposed to be her job to make two other people comfortable when it was so uncomfortable for Kaylin herself. But she was whining and knew it. She actually liked Yvonne, from what little she’d seen, and of the Barrani, with the exception of some of the cohort, the Consort was her favorite.
But the Avatar was right, and she knew it. Maybebecauseshe was mortal and born to be, always, an outsider, no matter what titles she’d been granted. Maybe it was because nothing she could gain by being political in the High Halls would ever change the inferiority her birth as a mortal imposed on her. She had nothing—but her life—to lose.
“It is not just that,” the High Halls said. “But it is fact: you are not as they are, and you will never be what they are. But you have more power than most of the Barrani who dwell here, and you are afforded far more respect because the consequences of that respect are far less costly if it is misplaced. I believe An’Teela and An’Tellarus are finished for the moment.”
“And Severn?”
“You may ask him that yourself.”
Severn didn’t pass on the contents of what Kaylin thought of as negotiations. Not yet. She wouldn’t ask him here, either. Maybe when they left. Maybe not ever. She was almost certain that his own past was now entangled in this, and she’d always been careful not to make demands of that past because she didn’t want to have to discuss her own.
They’d been separated for years—for a third of her life—in part because of his choices, and in part because of her own. Those choices, made in ignorance, were bounded by actual events; it was just the interpretations that had been wrong. But two children were dead, and that didn’t and couldn’t be changed.
He didn’t talk about them. Kaylin didn’t, either. But the memory was their wall, their personal hells. How much of Severn’s memories were like that? How much of his past had now sprung from seeds Kaylin might never have seen?
Shewantedto know.
And she didn’t. Maybe ignorance was her best protection. Shehatedthat. She had yearned, since she’d chosen to live as a Hawk, to seeclearly. To face facts—as if facts were immutable.
“Severn will join you when he can—but I suggest you accompany Terrano and me now, if you wish to avoid further argument.”
“Teela will want to come as well. Is there a problem with that?”