“If you are referring to the slaver, yes, I am aware. He was skinned alive—and the shock did not allow him to pass out before he had experienced all of it.” He spoke without horror. Teela spoke of the same incident with a complete lack of horror as well.
Kaylin couldn’t quite manage it, and she’d been the person who’d killed the man.
Kaylin believed the slaver had deserved to die. But she could have killed him by breaking his neck. Or stabbing him in the heart—if she could find it. The death itself had been horrific. Teela felt death was death, regardless of how it arrived. She’d said that. She’d said that a hundred times while Kaylin had hyperventilated as she crashed.
“I believe that is the source of your problem. You did not control, did not even consider controlling, your emotions. Your power flowed naturally into your rage, and you used it. We do not intend for you to run around Elantra in a rage, but you are not the child you were on that day. You have used the power of the Marks in the years since then—but desperation seems to be your driver. It is a better driver than rage, but it is, as you are well aware, unreliable.
“I can set fire to this city without any deep emotion. I cantransform into my draconic self without rage. Rage does not help our kind. It is control that we measure and value.
“That control does not entirely work for you. You must find a way to access the emotions that drive your connection to your own power if you wish to avoid situations in which desperation is your only option.
“Awareness of your emotional state does not depend on rage. If it did, we would not be having this discussion; the risk to the rest of us would be too great. The only way you use your Marks in deliberate fashion is to heal. It is proof that something other than rage can drive the conscious use of real power. The healing is impressive,” he added, voice softening. “But healing is often something done after the fight, not before.”
“What kind of fight are you even expecting?” She didn’t bother to keep her tone neutral.
“At the moment, not a fight we cannot win.”
That wasn’t exactly comforting.
“We are content to leave this in the hands of Hawks. I have an appointment with Lord Grammayre after our lesson is concluded. I will request flexibility in your schedule in the near future.”
The lesson ended up being much shorter than the usual candle torture. Sanabalis asked questions that were personal in nature. Kaylin punted. If it was true that she needed to somehow invoke emotion on command, she sure as hells wasn’t going to do it in front of the new Arkon.
For once, Ynpharion—whose presence lingered—agreed. Agreement meant silence; he couldn’t possibly be agreeable in actual words that might sound like approval.
This is what the Lady wanted you to warn me about, isn’t it?
Perhaps. She does not allow me to spy on you; she feels it is beneath her.
But not you, clearly.
I serve her. Information that might become relevant is just that: information. How it is gathered is a minor concern.
And you’re going to tell her that the Imperial Court has spies in the High Halls.
This time, his obvious contempt was clear.Do you expect usallto be as naive and foolish as you? Of course they have spies in the High Halls. We have spies in the Imperial Palace.
The funny thing was: she was far more comfortable with this version of Ynpharion. When he was actually polite and respectful, it made her suspicious.
Because you fail to understand the bond itself. Again. I must assume it’s deliberate.
It wasn’t.I don’t spend my free time thinking about you.
Or any of those whose names you hold.
She might be more comfortable, but that didn’t mean she enjoyed speaking with Ynpharion.What exactly is the Lady afraid of?
Ynpharion did not reply. No, of course not.
Kaylin exhaled.Ask her if it would be acceptable if I visited.
The silence was quantitatively different, but it was there.She does not think it particularly wiseat this time. If, however, you feel it urgent, she will grant that permission; she will not take the risk of extending an invitation. She asks, however, that you visit in the company of a guard you trust. She doesnotconsider An’Teela to be a suitable guard.
Does she thinkanyof the cohort would be suitable?
Silence again. It lasted longer.No. They are too linked with Mellarionne. Understand that she is not particularly concerned for your cohort. It is your safety that concerns her.
Can I come with Severn?