“To keep it? No. To wear it? I’m less certain.”
“It doesn’t feel magical to me. I mean—I’m not breaking out in a rash. Or worse.”
“It is not, perhaps, magic of the kind that disturbs you. It is definitely magical in nature.”
“How?”
“It occupies more space than its physical dimensions suggest, for one.”
It didn’t feel particularly heavy. Or rather, it didn’t feel heavier than a bracelet of its size normally would. “Can you understand what he’s saying?”
“It’s a bit hard—his mouth is full.”
Moran was watching both Kaylin and her familiar, and listening to Helen’s careful, diplomatic concern. She smiled. The blue of her eyes faded to a normal Aerian gray.
“You didn’t want to wear the bracelet,” Helen said softly, “because you didn’t want to bepraevolo.”
Moran exhaled heavily. After a long pause, in which water rippled only because Kaylin was moving her feet, she said, “I didn’t want to be theirpraevolo. I didn’t want to support the people who were responsible for the death of my family. I wasn’t willing to die for them, and I wasn’t strong enough to kill them. If I had worn the bracelet, I would be accepting them. I would be doing what they wanted.” She tilted her head back, closing her eyes. “I intend to live for as long as I possibly can. I don’t always enjoy my life—but the longer I live, the less likely it will be that an actual dar Carafel is born with thepraevolo’swings. I won’t be what they want. But I won’t help them get what they want by dying, either.”
“Thepraevolodoes not, if I understand things correctly, exist strictly for the Caste Court. They exist for the entire race.”
“Helen, I’m not sure this is the right time,” Kaylin said.
Helen, however, did not agree. “Your mother and your grandmother did not abandon you intentionally.”
“Of course not.” Moran stiffened, and Kaylin surrendered. She lifted her feet out of the water, grabbed a nearby towel, glared at the familiar—who was still chewing what looked like gemmed metal—and dried herself off. This wasn’t a conversation she was supposed to be part of.
“They were murdered. They were murdered by Aerians.”
Socks. Shoes.
“But you are a Hawk, Moran. You’ve seen human murderers. You’ve seen executions. You’ve never decided that the human race—as a whole—is murderous and worthless because of them.”
“Helen, I really think this is not a conversation Moran wants to have right now.”
The familiar squawked.
“I’ve never said Aerians were worthless,” Moran countered. “I’ve never said the entire race is murderous.”
“No, you haven’t. But, dear—you’ve isolated yourself as if they were.”
To the familiar, Kaylin whispered, “Make her stop.”
“I have not—”
“Moran, you have. You tell yourself it is fortheirgood. Their own good, I believe. You stay separate because you do not want them to become victims of political pressure, power. And perhaps that is even true now. But in the past? You’ve been a Hawk for longer than Kaylin has, and you have formed no friendships among your own kin.
“Perhaps itissafer for them. Unless Kaylin invites them to visit, I cannot say that with any certainty. But I think I can say that you believe it is safer foryou. We make different choices for reasons of safety. But I will say this—because I do not believe you are aware of it, as Kaylin is. I chose to destroy large parts of myself in order to remain free to choose.
“I do not regret that decision. But I do not deceive myself. Those parts are gone. Lost. They are destroyed. And there are times, even now, when I feel that loss keenly. Perhaps you are more like me than Kaylin is. Perhaps you do not regret the things you have destroyed as an act of self-preservation. But mortals arenotbuildings.”
Moran was silent. Her eyes were blue, very blue. Any comfort she’d gained from the bath had been obliterated.
“No, dear,” Helen continued. “I understand exactly why you made the choices you did. They were, and are, your choices to make.”
“For now,” Moran replied. She looked across the room at Kaylin, who was very, very sorry that she hadn’t managed to leave Moran to her very private conversation with a building that really didn’t understand the concept of privacy at a visceral level. To the familiar, Moran said, “Give me the bracelet.” Her voice was like steel. Sharpened steel.
The familiar looked up at Kaylin.