“Not all of it. Some. My Aerian’s not as good as my Barrani. This is what thebletsianwas supposed to do for her. For Moran, I mean.”
“Yes. It was what I gifted Lillias, when we first met.” He shook his head. “It is hard, to make sacrifices. Harder when none of them seem necessary or relevant in retrospect. Lillias needed to see Moran as she is now.”
Kaylin was frowning. “But...”
“But?”
“You said Moran wasn’t allowed to see Lillias as only one thing—in this case, a tragedy, a cause for guilt.”
“I did.”
“But...Lillias doesn’t really see Moran, does she? I mean, she sees theIllumen praevolo. But Moran as she is?”
“You know, there are days when I despair of you. And there are other days—like this one—when I realize that being a groundhawkisyour calling. Yes, Kaylin. She sees thepraevolo. She could hardly see anything else; Moran was a child when Lillias was made outcaste. She did not interact with Moran at any time; she did not visit her at the Halls of Law. She was only peripherally aware of the fact that Moran—no, that thepraevolo—was still alive.
“But she gave up her life—as an Aerian—on the day that she saved Moran’s, and she did it for thepraevolo. And for the child. You would like Lillias, if you had met her in other circumstances. But she sees only some small part of what Moran is.”
“And she didn’t get the humiliating lecture.”
“Ah. No. But I don’t know her quite as well as I know you.”
“You didn’t know Moran at all, and you lectured her.”
“True. But there is a type of self-aggrandizing guilt with which I am all too familiar, and I dislike it intensely.” He had the grace to redden. “I may have been a bit too harsh.”
But watching the two Aerians—neither of whom could take to the skies by their own power—Kaylin shook her head. “No,” she said, a smile hovering across her lips. “You were exactly harsh enough.” She looked at Evanton and added, “But don’t feel a great need to repeat it anytime soon.”
He laughed.
Chapter 19
Evanton left Lillias and Moran in the garden after first speaking to the wind. He escorted Kaylin out, and shut the door. “It is the one space in which they will be perfectly safe.” His smile was sadder and more lined, but it often was when he left the confines of the Keeper’s garden: age settled far more heavily across his shoulders anywhere but there.
“Did Lillias explain what the fancy dress means?”
“I understand the fancy dress, as you call it; I did not require explanations.”
Kaylin hesitated. Bellusdeo’s warnings—about panic, about fear, about the nature of people—were weighty and sharp.
“You are thinking so loudly I can practically hear you, and you are not thinking anything pleasant.”
“No.”
“I hesitate to ask you to share. In general, your unpleasant thoughts—or at least the ones that cause that particular expression—cause difficulties for everyone. On the other hand, some difficulties require intervention, and it is better to have an early warning.”
“I’m not actually supposed to talk about it,” Kaylin mumbled.
“Ah. But they can’t stop you from thinking?”
“No. And you’re smart, and you know things. I mean, different things.”
“Than you?”
“Than the Arkon.”
“You discussed this with the Arkon.”
“Yes. Because—”