“Perhaps they did to him.”
He arched an eyebrow. “Surely you don’t agree.”
She swallowed and glanced away. “Of course not, but Maman probably would. If you are correct about Lily, then even she agreed, and that means your father was right to be cynical about her. If that makes sense. He probably saw himself as saving you from her.”
“Or was he saving himself the embarrassment of having a son who married beneath him? I will never be sure. I do know that even after I outgrew my younger impulses, he continued to keep me at arm’s length, to blame me for our having ended up at Verdun. Because, as he saw it, my reckless actions ‘forced’ him to save me and ‘forced’ him to leave my mother and brothers behind. It was my lack of character that led to our detainment.”
She stroked his arm. “That hardly sounds fair.”
“It wasn’t. And since I was an idiotic young fool, I reacted badly to the unfairness of it, especially once I got Lily’s letter. I really felt the weight of his condemnation then, so I lashed out by becoming exactly the son he thought I was—a libertine of the first order. A rakehell without a conscience.”
She rested her head on his shoulder. “You must have had something of a conscience. You let my father shame you into never going near me again.”
“True. And believe it or not, his actions were the beginning of my salvation. The fact that a man whom I respected, who wasnotmy father and didnothave a history with me, would be so appalled by my behavior that he would threaten to duel with me … well, it brought me up short. It made me see how recklessly I was behaving.”
She frowned at him. “But you continued to go from woman to woman afterward. I remember it.”
He flushed. “For a while longer, yes. Until I realized it was no longer satisfying. I could never get Morris’s words out of my head.” He chucked her under the chin. “And I could never get our kiss out of my head, either.”
“Come now, Heath—” she began, thoroughly skeptical.
“I mean it, Giselle. How many times did you actuallyseeme with a woman in my room? Or see me kiss or try to seduce or do anything more than dance or flirt or talk with a woman? Hmm? You lived in the lodging house. Surely you would have seen something.”
She thought back, but she could not pull up an image in her head. Then again, she had not wanted to know, either, since she had liked him and felt jealous of any woman he paid attention to, even though she knew it was hopeless. So, she had tried very hardnotto notice such things.
But she could hardly tell him so because she would be admitting how much she had cared for him even then. She left the bed to draw on her nightgown, feeling too exposed for her liking.
He sat up and pulled on his drawers, but naught else. “Now can I askyousomething?”
“Of course. You answered my question—I shall be happy to answer yours.”
“Why have you never married? You’re beautiful and accomplished and a delightful conversationalist. Any man would be lucky to have you.”
She shrugged. “I never met a man I cared for.”
“No one? Surely there were men in Verdun, or even in Paris after you returned home from Verdun, who …”
“Appealed to me? No. I had suitors, but …” She waved her hand dismissively.
“I do remember hearing men in the camp say you were high in the instep.”
She stared him down. “I suppose that is true. I am particular. I never wanted to be any man’s mistress, either. And for a husband, I would prefer a man who is trustworthy and responsible. Most men do not fit that description.”
“Am I to understand that you think me one of ‘most men’?”
She busied herself with pulling on her wrapper. “Why do you say that?”
“Because you told me at the beginning of all this that you didn’t wish to marry me. You never were very clear aboutwhy.Don’t tell me it’s because of your mother—whom you surely know would always be welcome here. I can only assume you and Chloe want your freedom or some such.”
He seemed tense. She did not know what to tell him. Not the truth, to be sure.
“But I behaved recklessly tonight with you,” he went on. “I would not have done so, except I couldn’t stand having you think I would … lie to you about another woman. I have taken your innocence, and that means wemustmarry.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “Why do you assume I was an innocent?”
“Aside from the blood on the sheets there,” he said sarcastically, gesturing to the bed, “I could tell when I made love to you.”
“Because you make a practice of deflowering innocents?” she snapped.