He stared at her. “If that is what you want, yes.”
“Will you give me children if we are fortunate enough to be able to have them?”
Had she read his mind earlier at Sydney Gardens, for God’s sake? “I would like nothing more,” he admitted.
“Then you are already the man I wish you to be. And because it makes me love you even more, it also makes it harder for me to marry you. I cannot live without having my love returned. I would wither away in the kind of unequal marriage my parents had.”
He didn’t know what to say to that. He couldn’t bear the thought of watching her leave, yet he balked at saying he was in love with her. The last time he’d thought he was in love it had destroyed his entire future in ways he was still coming to know.
Suddenly, a knock came at the door, startling them both. When he didn’t answer, his butler said, “My lord, are you in there? Master Evan and Master Christopher wish to know when dinner will be served.”
“In an hour,” he called out. So much for no one knowing where he was.
He turned back to her, relieved to have something to keep him occupied that took his mind off the possibility of her leaving him. “I have to go. I will instruct the footmen to be on their guardagainst Jones, and I will go into Bath first to find out if the constable and his men have caught the villain, but this business with Yates cannot wait. Still, I do need you to do one more thing for me.”
After scribbling the words “I love you, my son, and I’ll be back soon” on a sheet of paper, he signed it and handed it to her. “Will you give this to Zack?”
She read it and nodded, then tucked it into her bodice.
“And will you look after the boys if I leave before dinner? Make sure that … that Zachary is all right until I come back?”
“Of course. Do as you must. I will be here at least until you return.”
Those last few ominous words gave him pause. But he couldn’t think about that. He had to think about Yates, and what the man might do to his family.
Nonetheless … He caught her close and kissed her deeply, determined that she keep him in her mind while he was gone. When he drew back, he said, “We will sort it out,chérie.I promise.”
She nodded but did not follow as he left his study.
He understood why. She had to maintain appearances. Still, it rankled that she was already withdrawing from him. Because that hurt more than even Zack’s rejection.
Chapter 20
Giselle waited a long while before leaving Heath’s study. Fortunately, everyone in the house was consumed with making sure he was ready to leave for London, so she was able to go upstairs unnoticed and make sure no signs of their lovemaking remained on her attire. It would not do for her to join the boys for dinner looking like Heath’s mistress rather than his fiancée.
She sat down on her bed, brushing away tears. His fiancée. At last he wanted her as his wife. Then he had gone and ruined it by telling her he could not love her. Could she be a mere wife to him when she loved him so very much?
After all, he had run away to avoid her love. There was no doubt in her mind he was doing exactly that. Her talk of love had scared him off, and though she thought she knew why, it did not change anything.
How could she have fallen in love with the rogue, anyway? He was so … soirritating.
And handsome and seductive and clever, with a boyish charm that somehow made him endearing. Oh, she was such a fool.
She brightened. Perhaps if she married him and gave him enough time, he wouldcometo love her. But what if he never did?What if he merely continued to take her for granted as Papa had done with Maman, while he went about doing what he pleased?
She could not live that way, no. Of that, she was certain. With a sigh, she went down to dinner.
The rest of the evening passed far too slowly. First, she had to explain to the boys that Heath had been forced to return to London briefly on business. Then she had to explain—without telling them the truth—why Zack insisted on remaining in his room.
Thankfully, she persuaded them that Zack had overheard Heath arguing with her over his trip to London and had grown upset. Now, she must somehow convince Zack to keep quiet about Heath being his father, at least until Heath returned home and could talk to the boy himself.
Once that was done, she had to talk to Maman. But she could not bring herself to do so. Maman seemed so happy that Giselle’s and Heath’s betrothal was continuing after all that Giselle did not have the heart to disappoint her with the truth.
By the time the boys and Maman had retired for the evening, Giselle was exhausted by all her evasions, not to mention the outright lies she had been forced to tell. She did not like lying. And if she did agree to marry Heath, she would make him swear not to force her to lie for him ever again.
Before she could retire, however, she had to check on Zack. She knocked on his door, but he did not answer. Fortunately, when she turned the knob, she found the door unlocked.
And there he was, fast asleep, still wearing his clothes. She sighed. How difficult this must be for him. She remembered only too well how hard it had been for her, and she had been old enough to understand that her parents had never had a good marriage. But Zack knew that his “parents” had loved each other, so to lose them suddenly …