‘Well, that’s no fun,’ she tells me.
‘I think it’s cute,’ Jake replies. ‘And I agree. The wedding is a day; the marriage is a lifetime.’
‘I want to say that makes me sick in my mouth, but I love that for you,’ JJ says, sounding a little worse for wear already. ‘I have had enough of it though, so how about we break open one of these games?’
The pile of board games looks older than me. The boxes are yellowing and kind of smelly, like they’ve been gathering dust in a cupboard for decades. The Monopoly is so old it takes me a moment to recognise it – not that I have any interest in playing it on a stag/hen do. Everyone knows Monopoly is for falling out with your family at Christmastime only.
‘This is the one,’ JJ says. ‘I’ve never even heard of it. I bet it got cancelled.’
The game she’s holding is called Couples: Sexy Edition.
‘Erm, is that a good idea?’ I check.
‘We’re all couples, I guess,’ Cordelia says. ‘But you’re alone, JJ.’
‘If I have to kiss anyone, I’ll snog Whit,’ she suggests.
‘I’m an engaged lady,’ I inform her, letting her down gently.
‘Tom,’ she calls out.
A man, presumably Tom, emerges from behind the bar.
‘Will you play this game with us, please?’ she asks with a pout. ‘They won’t let me play because I’m single.’
Tom, a twenty-something with a cheeky smile, lights up.
‘Count me in,’ he replies.
‘There, sorted,’ JJ says.
I mean, I suppose it is.
The first rounds are harmless. Mostly. Things like: ‘Tell your partner your favourite thing about them’ – and presumably, from the name of the game, it means sexually, but unless otherwise stated, answers are generally wholesome.
Tom gets a card that says ‘Kiss your partner dramatically’ but he doesn’t have the nerve to see it through so he kind of makes out with JJ’s cheek. She loves it regardless.
The next card is ‘Do an impression of your partner’, and Cordelia does an actually funny impression of Andy when he reads boring legal documents. I’ve seen him do it and she’s got his mannerisms down to a tee.
‘Okay! Next is a “locked in together” challenge!’ Tom reads out. ‘This is for Whitney and, ooh, it says a member of the opposite sex, from another team. So Andy. It says you go in a cupboard, but we’ve got the baby-changing lav over there, no one uses it. Get in there. We’ll shout you when you can come out.’
I look to Jake for some reason. He just gives me a reassuring laugh.
‘Doesn’t bother me,’ Cordelia says defensively. ‘They’ve lived together platonically for years.’
‘After you,’ Andy says, opening the door so I can head in first.
I find the string for the light switch and pull it. Wow, they must never use this; it’s full of boxes, making the space for us to share tiny.
It’s weird, I’ve never felt awkward with him before, but since he came back he feels like a different person.
Andy exhales slowly, staring at the floor.
‘Well.’
‘Well,’ I echo, leaning back against the wall, as if I can physically distance myself from the awkwardness.
In the mirror, I catch a glimpse of myself: penis tiara on – I’d forgotten about that; Andy has ditched his though – cheeks flushed, eyes wide. I look like someone who’s either drunk or in trouble. I think I’m both.