‘And, what, hit your head?’ I reply.
He laughs.
‘No, I mean nothing seems so scary after that.’
Yeah, well, when your muscles make you a comparable weight to the horse, what’s to fear?
‘It sounds scary,’ I reply.
‘It was,’ he says. ‘But it taught me somethin’. Panicking doesn’t keep you in the saddle.’
I stare at him for a second.
‘Are you giving me a cowboy motivational speech?’ I ask.
‘Maybe,’ he replies.
This is all so amusing to him. I guess it helps. I try to laugh too, but the truth is everything feels so up in the air – one wrong move and it comes crashing down.
Jake’s expression shifts.
‘You okay?’ he asks seriously.
‘I’m…’ I wave a hand. ‘Kind of living a nightmare at the moment. And JJ wants me to pretend I’m living in a romcom.’
‘You sorta are in a romcom,’ he says. ‘I’ve seen movies where couples pretend to be together. It always looks fun.’
‘It always starts out fun,’ I correct him. ‘But in real life everything always goes to shit, right?’
Jake gives me a look that says he doesn’t agree, but he doesn’t say anything.
Instead, he steps a little closer – not crowding, just showing me that he’s there.
‘Here’s where I’m at. Arty Morgan doesn’t want to sell to me,’ Jake says. ‘Not because I don’t have the money. Because he thinks I’ll ruin it. He thinks I’m here for profit, not for the place.’
I nod slowly.
‘And you’re not?’
‘I’m here because I want to live in the lodge, be near my dad, run the equestrian centre, spend my time with the horses and, yeah, if I’m lucky enough, raise my own family here,’ he says sincerely. ‘But Arty sees the big hat, the boots, the single guy who rocks up out of nowhere offering him a fat cheque for a place he loves. I get why he’s cautious.’
There’s something in his voice when he says it – quiet, sincere – that makes my chest feel tight. Like he really means it.
‘I grew up around land. Animals. Work that actually matters. This place, it feels like home already. Even though it’s not. It could be, if I just got a shot,’ he adds.
I don’t know what to say to that, because it’s so real, so honest. So much more authentic than any part of me. So I do what I always do when confronted with sincerity. I make a joke.
‘So you need to look… stable,’ I quip.
Jake laughs.
‘That’s the word, yeah.’
‘And JJ thinks the answer is me,’ I continue.
Jake’s eyes meet mine.
‘Do you think the answer is you?’