‘I, er…’
‘We’d love to,’ James says, answering on both his and Ben’s behalf.
Oh, please, God, I can’t make any more small talk. We discussed the World Cup for fifteen minutes before I realised we were talking about rugby league and not football.
JJ hooks her arm with James’, leading the way. Ben and I saunter behind them. When we arrive, JJ leads the way into my building like she does actually own the place, hanging back when we reach the door in a way that looks natural, when in fact she’s making way for me to unlock the door, given that I’m the only one with a key.
‘So, what are we—’ I start, but she’s already dragging James inside.
‘Don’t wait up for us,’ she calls over her shoulder as she and James head for Andy’s room. ‘Be a good hostess.’
I dread to think what she means by that.
I take a seat on the sofa, the living room suddenly feeling so awkwardly silent. Ben joins me.
‘So… I guess we have to amuse ourselves,’ I joke.
‘I guess so,’ Ben replies. ‘We could have some fun…’
He’s right, we should do something to pass the time, because who knows how long those two will be. And, do you know what, I have the best idea to pass the time.
‘Okay,’ I say brightly, reaching past him to grab the PlayStation controllers on the side table.
Ben, however, thinks I’m going in for a kiss – which, okay, yeah, now I see what he meant – which means he smacks his face into the side of my head. However much my ear felt that, I’m sure it was way harsher on his nose.
‘Ow!’
‘Shit, sorry,’ I blurt, accidentally dropping a controller on his lap, which apparently hurts him more than us banging heads did.
‘That’s… not what I meant,’ he replies, his voice strained as he grabs his crotch.
Well, I doubt he’s up to that now.
‘War Zombies VI,’ I blurt. ‘Ever played it?’
‘Er, yeah, a bit,’ he says, coming around a little.
‘I’ve been trying to crack this level for days,’ I tell him. ‘But without someone playing co-op, I don’t stand a chance.’
He looks at me like I’m the zombie. He lets out a long breath, half amused, half defeated.
‘Or we could just sit quietly. Talk. See what happens…’ he suggests, his undefeated half having one last crack.
The rhythmic banging and unmistakable moaning creep up on us slowly, then intensify all at once. I don’t know what’s louder, the banging on the wall, or JJ’s am-dram screams.
‘Or… yeah, okay, let’s shoot things,’ Ben says, awkwardly examining the controller like he’s never seen one before.
‘Let’s do it,’ I say, turning up the volume.
Well, that’s put him off. I don’t know if it’s the awkwardness or how high it sounds like the bar has been set, butWar Zombies VIit is.
So Ben and I sit shooting the dead while JJ screams in the next room like she’s trying to wake it.
Sometimes I wish I could be more like her, that I could let go a little easier, worry about the consequences less, but I don’t know; for me, if it’s not right, it’s not right, and with Ben it doesn’t feel right. We clearly have nothing in common, I don’t really fancy him (and I’m sure the feeling is mutual) and… sad as it sounds, I just can’t be bothered. I guess I’m a soppy old romantic holding out for something special – and that is not Ben… even if I am impressed with the way he wields his sniper rifle.
3
It’s the smell of cooking that slowly brings me to my senses.