Andy lets out a breath, his shoulders dropping in relief.
‘Thank God. I was weirdly nervous. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you’d said no,’ he replies. ‘What with the wedding being next month.’
‘Next month,’ I can’t help but blurt back. I still can’t believe it.
‘Cordelia found this incredible place that had a last-minute cancellation,’ Andy explains. ‘A country estate with a big hall, beautiful gardens, the works. It’s perfect. Isn’t it, Tink?’
Tink. Ew, ew, ew.
‘It’s a dream,’ she sighs. ‘I’ve always wanted to get married somewhere like that. As soon as we saw it, I knew it was the one. Plus, we’re having an engagement party there, this weekend – we’re inviting everyone. I hope you don’t have plans?’
‘Erm, she’s the best man, if she has plans she’ll cancel them,’ Andy tells her. ‘Anyway, we’re going to get ready to head out for dinner, so we’ll leave you to your cooking. But thanks, Whit, I knew you’d be cool.’
They head into Andy’s room, leaving me alone. I sink into one of the armchairs.
I thought I had time. Time to figure out what I was feeling. Time to stop being a coward and give in to the feelings I’ve been keeping under wraps. Why, why, why did JJ have to force me to open the mental box that we do not open? Because now I’ve faced up to my feelings for him and it’s too late. It’s not going to be me he ends up with. I’ll be writing a speech and organising a stag do and watching him go through with it. Oh, God, and I suppose he’ll move out? Or kick me out? Or will we all live here together? That sounds like actual hell.
How stupid of me to think I was going to get a happy ever after, just like that, because clearly this isn’t going to be the book where the best friends finally realise they’re perfect for each other. This is going to be the kind of story where the main character has to stand there in a pretty dress and hold back the tears while she watches the person she loves marry someone else.
I’m not sure anyone could write me a way out of this one.
11
Plates seem kind of pointless when your life has been turned upside down. Plus, seeing as though this has wound up being a lasagne for one, I may as well eat it straight out of the oven dish.
There is good news, however, because this… whole thing also means I get the bottle of wine to myself too.
I’m sitting at the kitchen table, grieving into my lasagne, all alone, while Andy and Cordelia – or Buzz and Tink as they are so cringe-inducingly known now – are out celebrating. I can’t even whinge that they didn’t invite me, because they did, and that’s somehow even more pathetic than being left out.
I told them I was busy and they didn’t stick around for long enough to learn that busy = crying into a lasagne.
I pour myself another oversized glass of red wine and, no, it’s not that I’m above drinking straight from the bottle, but I find it easier to chug from the glass.
I stab another piece of lasagne, picking up the best part of a sheet, and stuff it into my mouth. With my free hand, I call JJ.
‘Hello?’ she answers.
I can hear the curiosity in her voice. She knows that tonight is the night.
‘Hello,’ I reply, still with a gobful.
‘Oh no,’ is all she says.
‘Oh yes,’ I reply.
‘What happened?’ she asks – notice how she doesn’t make fun of me when it sounds actually serious?
‘So, Andy is back, but I haven’t had the chance to tell him how I feel,’ I explain.
‘That’s okay. What, are you nervous? Or…?’
JJ can tell something is up, but she doesn’t know what. Time to enlighten her.
‘Andy is engaged,’ I say, cutting to the chase.
Silence.
‘JJ?’ I say after a few seconds, checking we’re still connected.