‘I’ll be right there,’ Andy calls back, his voice quieter as he holds the phone from his head briefly. There’s a rustle, then he’s back in my ear. ‘Well, that’s decided that,’ he says. ‘I’ve got to go. Another meeting.’
‘Go. Make rich people even richer,’ I insist.
‘I’ll call you properly – soon,’ he says. ‘Promise. We’ll do a full debrief. I want to hear every detail about these dates. And your book. Especially your book.’
‘Okay,’ I say. ‘I’ll… try not to get murdered in the meantime, I guess.’
He huffs a laugh.
‘Yeah, please don’t get murdered. I’d miss you,’ he tells me.
So touching for such an odd statement.
‘I’ll try,’ I say.
There’s a tiny pause. Just long enough for it to feel like there’s something unsaid hanging in the air.
‘Speak soon later, Whit,’ he says.
‘Yeah. Have a good day.’
‘Bye. Bye, bye, bye…’
I smile to myself. I always find it so charming when he does that, when a call ends, and he rapid-fires the word ‘bye’, making it quicker and quieter each time until he hangs up.
The line clicks dead.
I lie on my bed for a second, staring at nothing, waiting for… I don’t know what.
Andy is Andy. Reliable, reassuring, always able to make me laugh. He’s my comfort blanket, my emergency contact, the man who knows exactly how I like my tea and always reads my chapters even when I tell him he doesn’t have to.
My phone vibrates on the bed next to me so I grab it. It’s JJ.
JJ
Date two is on – this one won’t kill you, promise. Details to follow. No chickening out this time.
Wow, she works fast. It’s impossible not to be impressed, even if I would probably rather not go on another date so soon after this one. It’s going to take me a while to get in the mood for it again, after such a disastrous one, but it doesn’t sound like I have a choice, does it?
I need to remind myself that this is all material, all fodder for my romcoms – I suppose the more hilarious my love life is, the better it is for business. It’s all so inspiring professionally, just completely demoralising personally.
At least I’ll have one more terrible date to add to my notes. One more story to tell Andy when he’s back. One more example of how impossible it is to find a leading man in a world full of villains and unknowable side characters.
One more date and then that’s it. Either it’s great, or I’m officially taking a break from men, and JJ has no choice but to support me.
If I don’t get a book deal out of this, I’m not going to be happy. In fact, I’d rather have the book deal than the man.
Perhaps that’s where I’m going wrong, eh?
8
Don’t get me wrong, I know that JJ’s unsolicited dating services are free, and that beggars shouldn’t be choosers, but I feel like I put in an order for a romcom leading man, and what she has delivered is exactly what she threatened in the first place: a reality TV star.
She did tell me upfront who I would be meeting – Max Hart, best known for his stint onWelcome to Singledom, you know, that reality dating show where a bunch of sexy singles have to survive on an island together and find love, because nothing makes for the basis of a strong relationship like emptying the shared loo bucket.
I wasn’t going to look him up, because you don’t normally get to do that ahead of a date, do you? But as I was doomscrolling in the bath, putting off getting ready, I thought why not? I was expecting a bunch of vapid shirtless selfies but instead I was surprised. Max seemed quite human, from photos of him doing charity work with his friends to the video of him hugging his gran and thanking her for always supporting him. I thought he’d be like all of the other reality TV types, so I was surprised to see a human. I actually allowed my hopes to edge up, just a little.
So now I’m here, standing in the entrance of a fancy Mayfair restaurant, waiting for Max.