I chew my lip for a moment.
‘Remember when we were talkin’ about boundaries, and I said that all that mattered to me was that we were honest with each other?’ he says.
‘Yeah,’ I say weakly.
‘You’re in love with Andy?’
‘I’m not, I promise you, we’re just friends,’ I insist. ‘I thought I was, briefly, when I realised I was going to lose him as a friend if he got married, but I know now that I’m not, that I’m actually gaining a friend in Cordelia. And to be honest with you, pretty much from the second you pulled me out of that fountain, it’s only been you. I never thought a guy like you would be interested in a girl like me, and we had our mutual arrangement, and I didn’t want to mess that up, but I’ve fallen for you. Head first. Like you’re a fountain.’
He smiles.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say, the words tumbling out faster now. ‘For the mess. For the confusion. For not being clearer sooner. I promise you, you were never a prop for me to make Andy jealous, that was JJ projecting what she would do on to me. Everything I felt for you was real – it is real.’
He watches me carefully, saying nothing.
‘I only thought that I was in love with Andy for a split second, when I thought there was no one in the world out there for me,’ I continue. ‘Because he’s been my constant for so long – but only as a friend. I’ve never been attracted to him, and then I met you and… wow. And I promise you, I’ve spent all day trying to make sure the two of them tied the knot, and they have, and now I’m hoping I can sort my own mess out, so…’
My voice trails off. I’ve said a lot. And he chooses now to lean into the strong, silent type – this is torture.
‘So, what is it you want, Whit?’ he asks gently.
‘You,’ I say simply. ‘While we’ve been pretending to have feelings for each other, guess what? Turns out it was so easy for me to pretend because I’m not pretending. I do have feelings for you. I want to help you get your home – and I know it’s going to sound crazy, but I want to live in it with you, one day, when the time is right, if you want me to. I look at this place and I see a million different futures playing out, but I promise you, you’re in every single one of them.’
‘You can tell you’re a writer,’ he says with a smile.
‘Well, writers write what they know,’ I reply.
‘So, I went to see my dad today,’ he says.
‘How is he?’ I reply.
‘He was good,’ Jake replies. ‘One of his better days. So I told him everything. About Rosewood. About you. About the fake engagement that turned into something real before I realised what was happening.’
My heart skips a beat at his words.
‘He said he could tell,’ Jake continues. ‘From the way I talked about you. He said you’re the one. He said he knew soon as he saw you wearing Mom’s ring. He said that I should do whatever it takes to build a life with you. Get married. Have a family. And if Rosewood didn’t work out, it didn’t matter, because family is where you make it.’
I can feel a lump in my throat and a sick feeling in my stomach, because he’s telling me everything I want to hear, I just don’t know if he still feels that way.
He reaches up, brushing his thumb along my cheek, wiping a tear that I didn’t realise had escaped my eye.
‘I love you too, Whit,’ he says. ‘I know, we haven’t known each other for very long, but I’ve never felt this way before and, if it’s the real deal, then hey, let’s start now. If we’re wrong, well…’
‘We can always fake break up,’ I joke. ‘A fake end to a fake engagement.’
‘Well, maybe when the fake one ends, who knows? A real one might make more sense,’ he replies.
It’s a relief, to hear that we’re on the same page. Yes, this is new, and scary, and powerful, but why wait? Why say we’re not in love, wait some arbitrary amount of time, then say it? Because if we’re right, then that’s extra time we get to love, to feel loved, to start building our life together.
‘I’m sorry it took me so long to find you,’ I tell him.
‘Me too,’ he replies. ‘I feel like I’ve been looking for you my whole life.’
‘Oof, so smooth,’ I say with a smile.
‘You think that’s smooth?’ he says. ‘Come ’ere.’
Jake takes me in his arms and kisses me, and it feels different to our other kisses. His mouth is soft against mine, familiar and new all at once. There’s no urgency, no performance. It feels safe and certain and like the first of a whole lifetime of them.