‘You dirty bitch, you rode the cowboy,’ she says with truly the biggest grin I’ve ever seen.
‘I… I…’ I try to scoff.
‘You rode the cowboy!’ she says again. ‘Well, don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone… but how was it?’
‘Unreal,’ I reply.
‘My God, I want to hear all about it, but I have to tell you this while it’s just us – know that I’m proud of you though,’ she adds.
‘What’s up?’ I ask, suddenly worried.
‘I have news,’ she says. ‘Bad news. Or maybe good news – definitely chaotic news.’
‘Is Andy okay?’ I check.
‘Yes.’
‘Is Cordelia okay?’ I ask next – wow, turns out I do care about her.
‘Define okay,’ she says, pulling a face.
‘JJ…’
‘I’ve found out what she’s been hiding,’ she tells me. ‘I kept digging, I asked some friends to do some background checks here and there – it wasn’t actually that hard. Anyway, it turns out dearest Cordelia has been married before, not once, but twice, and the second time, well, she’s not even sure she’s divorced yet. That’s what all her calls are about; she’s checking her d-i-v-o-r-c-e is finalised.’
‘No!’ I blurt. ‘How do you know that?’
‘I heard her on the landline this morning,’ she says. ‘She must have thought the power was still off, or her phone must have been flat – I don’t know. She’s clearly in a hurry to get it sorted, what with her tying the knot tomorrow.’
‘Shit,’ is all I can say.
‘I know what you’re going to say already,’ she says quickly. ‘You’re going to say it’s none of our business, and technically you’re right. In reality – Whit, she’s marrying your best friend. The one you’re in love with. This is your smoking gun, your way to break them up without seeming like you’re bitter. She’s lying to him – potentially committing a crime if she marries him…’
Oh boy, I don’t know what to say, or what to do, or what to think even. This is such a mess.
‘She deserves it simply for the obnoxious pet names,’ JJ adds – I’m sure she’s joking.
‘Well, being cringe isn’t a crime,’ I remind her.
‘If it were, you’d be in prison for your taste in music,’ she claps back. ‘Whit, we have to tell him, it’s your only chance.’
Cordelia is… what, thirty-ish? Late twenties? That’s some going, to be getting married for a third time, but we all make mistakes.
‘Do you think she’s a gold digger?’ JJ asks.
‘Andy has money but he’s not exactly a millionaire,’ I reply.
‘It sounded like she had money troubles,’ JJ says. ‘What do you think that’s about?’
‘I have no idea – honestly, I think we have to keep out of this one,’ I say.
‘Whit, come on, this is how you get him,’ she replies.
‘But we don’t have the full facts, and Andy is a grown man, and maybe she’s already told him,’ I point out. ‘This is going to make me look petty and desperate – plus, think how it will look to the publishers, to Mr Morgan – Jake doesn’t have the sale in the bag yet.’
‘I just want you to put yourself first,’ she says with a sigh. ‘You never put yourself first. Apart from last night, when you banged the cowboy.’
I laugh.