“When I asked if you needed me. I can stay if you want me to. You know it’ll take a lot to get me to go… so, tell me: you need me?”
Isn’t that what I’ve been saying?
“Aren’t you listening to me? It has to be you. When…” I swallow roughly, biting back the irrational dislike that rises up at the thought of the nurse. “When Audrey said you were the best hunter in the Grave, she was right. So, yeah, I need you to help us take down that lurker nest.”
Chase gets this strange look on his face. “Why do you say it like that?”
Huh? “Like what?”
“Audrey’s name. You say it like you have a problem with her.” He cocks his head slightly. “You say it like you’re jealous.”
I want to deny it. I could lie. I could pretend that I like the pretty nurse back in the Grave because she helped me after the accident, instead of secretly seething over whatever relationship she has with Chase now.
I could, but he’s been picking up on my cues, reading me left and right. I could lie, but he’ll know, and somehow that’ll make this whole thing even worse.
“I don’t know. You two just seemed really close before I left.”
There. No need to tell him that I have visions of him fucking her that make me want to scream. That’s a girlfriend’s right. A fiancé’s right.
I’m neither. I’m just her twin.
Hallie’s gone. You can’t cheat on a dead woman?—
“Audrey,” murmurs Chase, and I hate the way my fists involuntarily clench to hear his voice caress the two syllables in her name. Then, to my surprise, he actually lets out an amused laugh. “You still haven’t figured it out yet, have you?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Audrey—”
This time I grit my teeth, and I won’t deny that the thought of the nurse going nose to nose with a lurker makes me the tiniest bit happier.
“—I owe her everything. She was your nurse. She’s the one who did everything she could to make you better after the… after what happened. Jack was there every day, and so was I. Audrey is the one who kept us sane. She wants you to be okay. All she cares about are her patients and their happiness.”
As if the guilt isn’t bad enough. Now I have to feel bad for my imagination.
“I know,” I tell him. He hasn’t said anything I didn’t already know. “But at the meeting?—”
“I spent weeks inside of the church. You slept most of the time,” he says, and I decide then and there that he’ll never find out that I faked those naps if only to keep from having to face Chase so soon after Hallie’s death, “and she kept me company when she could. She’s like the sister I never had.” Chase’s hand is hesitant, still shaking as he reaches out and plucks one stray curl away from my cheek. “Let’s just say that I have a thing for blondes.”
“So, you two, you’re not… oh God, forget I ever said anything.” I’m too embarrassed to add anything else but a simple, “please.”
But no amount of embarrassment can hide the fact that that’s the best thing I’ve heard since leaving the Grave. And then I remember that I shouldn’t be so pleased that my twin’s fiancé has just blatantly admitted that he’s attracted to me.
It’s official. I’ve spent the last few days with him, from the moment I wake up until I close my eyes at night. I can’t pretend that he thinks of me as Hallie anymore.
Just Hallie’s replacement.
Still, if I’m being honest, I don’t want him to leave me. And not only because he’ll be an asset when we make it to New York.
“Chase. Just…” I can’t think of the right words. “I?—”
“I’ll stay.” His expression softens. I let out the breath I didn’t even realize I’d been holding. “Not for him, though. Not because of his insane desire to kill this nest. But because I think we all know what this really is. It’s suicide. But I’m not going to let you die alone.”
And then, under his breath: “Not again.”
CHAPTER 23
Ever since we left the Grave, I’ve been on my guard for two things: lurkers and rogues.