So while Iwantto believe him, it’s not that easy because—despite his words—Chase fucks me as though he’s sure that this will be the last time he ever will. There’s no quarter, there’s no relief. He thrusts up again and again. I take him, moaning his name, moaning how much I love him, and when he grabs my throat, collaring it while holding my head still as I bounce, he kisses me with damp cheeks.
He’s crying. Chase Knight is crying as he fucks me, and it takes everything I have not to weep in love and loss and relief at the same time.
I think he just needed a few moments to let the tears flow. Not too much later, his face is determined, eyes blazing as he increases his pace. I hop up. He catches me with one hand, both of my legs wrapped around him now. His thrusts become more shallow as he rocks into me, unwilling to separate completely.
Chase isn’t going to last. This was something he wanted for too long, and he wanted it too much. I know him. I know his tells, and I know his body. He’s about to blow, and proving that he knows mine as well, he shoves his hand between our damp shirts and slick bodies to rub frantically at my clit, helping me to come without relying on just penetration alone.
God, I fucking love this man.
I throw my head back, smashing it into the wall. It vaguely hurts, but compared to the memory of what the Doctor did to me, it’s nothing. In fact, I need this pleasure to replace the shocks and the zaps and the jolts, and as Chase fucks me to a sudden climax, I feel the best that I have in months.
Because of Chase.
Because I love him.
Because I always have and I always fuckingwill.
CHAPTER 31
Iwish I could say that Chase has a magic dick. That he fucked me back into being Hallie Holden, and now all of my thoughts, feelings, and emotions belong to the twin who really survived.
If only.
My sister’s death obviously broke me. Whatever the Doctor did to me only made it worse. I know who I am now, but what does that mean? I still feel like Xandra. I feel strong and determined and ready to kick lurker ass.
But, at the same time, IamHallie. Because only Hallie would curl up against Chase Knight, snuggling against his side, feel the satisfied rumble of a man who just fucked the love of his life against the wall before tugging her onto a tiny twin-sized bed with him… only Hallie would hear his heart beat through his chest and know with one hundred percent certainty that it’s only ever beaten for her.
Chase…
Ever since the accident, he was so sure I was Hallie. From the early days, demanding I give her back to him, to all the near slips… calling me by that name, calling me Holden beforeaccidentally murmuring “baby”... I thought he was just trying to turn me into the Holden sister that he lost.
No.
He was trying everything he could to convince me that I’m the one he couldn’t bear to lose.
I lay my hands on his chest, teasing his nipple through his t-shirt now that we’re both completely dressed again. My whole life, Chase has been my only lover; I’m the same for him. From the moment we gave each other our virginities when we were seventeen, I’ve slept with him countless times. He can be leisurely and slow or demanding and quick depending on how bad he needs me.
He was coming within minutes. It’s a miracle that he reached between us, getting me off first before he exploded inside of me, but there was pure desperation in every kiss, in every touch, in every thrust until he was panting my name over and over again as he finished.
That was all due to the torturous three months of having his fiancé close, but unable to touch her without her threatening to chop off his fingers. He must’ve thought I was coming back to him the one time my body recognized him as mine even though my mind didn’t. That night on the couch… I fucked my own fiancé, then tortured myself over it for ages because I thought he was Hallie’s.
He is.
He always has been.
And not even being trapped in a cell in the basement of a rogue government agency will stop him from claiming me as his wife.
A tiny grin tugs on my lips. It’s not even funny, but I just changed my mind. When I though that I wasn’t Chase’s wife yet because we never had a wedding… hell. The broken cuffs still on our wrists should’ve been a clue. In the eyes of East Jersey, Ibelong to Chase. I finally consummated that jailhouse wedding they insisted happened after Chase bartered his antidote for my hand.
He’s my husband. At the very least, if we don’t get out of here in one piece together, I can die knowing that he’s always been mine, too.
It’s a morbid thought, and one that Xandra definitely would’ve had. Shit. It’s going to take some time for me to get back in my own head, and I only hope that—as brutal as the Doctor’s treatment was—it works. That I remember who I am.
If not, I have Chase to remind me.
I trace a path between his pecs before circling the spot where his heart is with my newly healed finger. No more break, no more cuts from the glass vial… “How long did you know?”
“Hmm?”