Tazzy studied Jaxon, hoping he didn’t have anything more to say. At least not right now. Her emotions were already on a pogo stick, bouncing between “fear” and “hope.” She wasn’t sure how much more she could take.
Drawing in a shaky breath, she fisted her hands at her sides. She could feel the weight of every lonely night, every unsent letter, every tear she had cried into her pillow. She could feel the fear that he might disappear again, the second she let herself need him. And underneath it all sat the truth she could no longer deny.
She loved Jaxon Ruick.
She’d never stopped. That’s why the pain never eased. But knowing that didn’t solve anything. Love was one thing, trust was another.
His explanation of why he’d distanced himself from her made complete sense. The General would definitely make those threats, and if Jaxon thought they were serious, the Jaxon she knew would have done anything to protect her, even if it meant giving her up.
After all, he did just spend eight years in prison for something she had always known he hadn’t done. She hadn’t been the only one suffering. As painful as it was, she did have her freedom.
Hadn’t the last few years been an unending focus on what she’d lost for herself while the man she loved rotted in prison? Of course, if he’d only trusted her enough or managed to get a message to her somehow, it might have been bearable.
But it hadn’t been bearable. It had broken her, maybe too much to mend. And now, on top of everything else, guilt over her part in everything gnawed at her stomach.
It was all so confusing that she was ready to scream.
Only one thing might make her feel better. Could she…wouldshe accept the spanking Jaxon had offered? She hadn’t been spanked since he’d left. A person could accumulate a lot of guilt and regrets in eight years. Releasing all of those feelings, along with the pain, felt so tempting.
She wasn’t even sure she still had a Little, it had been hiding for so long.
And the anger. She was so damn angry. At Jaxon… at the universe… at herself and the whole situation. It had affected everything from her clothes to her habits. To think she’d been tempted to smoke and had agreed to participate in Georgia’s bucket list adventures out of nothing but pure spite.
The problem was that she was so used to the wall she had built, brick by brick, that she felt safe behind it. Tearing it down was impossible now.
From the way he was looking at her, he must have seen her decision. She saw the decision in his eyes, too. Before he said a word.
“Right. Daddy’s going to take care of you, young lady. And by the time I’m finished, you will be one very sorry Little girl, and all the yuckies you’ve been storing up will be gone.”
For the first time in forever, her emotional pogo stick stayed on “hope” for bounce after bounce.
“Promise?” she all but whispered.
“I promise. Now, did you know smoking that cigarette was wrong?”
She took one step back. “Yes,” she admitted.
“And yet, knowing how bad it was for you, you tried to smoke it anyway.”
“But I didn’t smoke it. I wasn’t going to smoke it. You can’t?—”
She broke off with a squeak, which he ignored. Pinching the shell of her ear, he pulled her through the house to his room. She’d forgotten he used to do that, and how much it hurt.
“Ow!” she cried out, doing her best to keep up with him. He ignored that, too. She could either lose an ear or trail beside him like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
“Do not move from this corner,” he ordered, wedging her nose in tight in the make-do corner. Her corner was really her standing next to the entertainment center. Old Jaxon could make anything a corner when it came to punishments.
It felt as familiar as an old friend.
An old “friend” my eye.
She couldn’t let herself forget that he wasn't her Daddy and she wasn't his Little. She was only allowing this to get rid of the guilty feelings she’d carried around for days, okay, years. Still, he didn’t move.
She turned her head and caught his reflection in the mirror next to where she was standing.
“Wh-why are you rolling up your sleeve like that? I thought this was mostly a spanking to relieve my guilty feelings?”
“Among other things,” he said, rolling back his other sleeve. “And that’s five more swats for not keeping your nose where I put it.”