She kicks at a pile of fallen leaves. “No thanks.”
The urge to throttle Frankie and her terrible influence trembles through me. As if my dad falling victim to their dirty deals wasn’t bad enough. His gambling addiction buried him in a debt so deep that he willingly stole from his own family. I haven’t seen him for months, but I’m still cleaning up the mess he left behind. The last thing I need is my precious daughter getting caught in their trap.
The spark in Ronnie’s mood has dimmed completely by the time we reach the front door. Even a rowdy greeting from her two dogs can’t chase off the gloom. Darla and Dottie shower her face in sloppy kisses, but my little girl barely acknowledges them. The pair of Shepherd mixes follow her to the chair near the bay window. Their heads rest on her legs once she sits down and stares outside. She absently pets them while waiting for the impossible. It’s the same routine as every other afternoon since Francesca Keller darkened our path.
Once again, I find myself cursing that woman’s name. Nothing good has come from the ghost of her presence. I’m beginning to believe she fled with the rest of the cowboy criminals. With their leader six feet under and several others behind bars, the remaining crooks scattered. For all I know, Frankie is halfway across the country in search of a fresh start. That’s for the best. If only I could explain that to my daughter in terms she’d accept and understand.
Failure is a lead weight on my shoulders. I want to be enough for Ronnie, which is selfish, but our dynamic was working untilearlier this year. She needs a female role model, especially as she gets older. There’s an unfortunate shortage in that department.
My mom’s visits are nonexistent. She prefers to stay away from Cloverleaf Meadows where the bad memories of my father haunt her. My cousin Bianca does what she can, but she has her own shit to deal with. Between work and raising a child, I’ve never found time to date. It’s not as if any random woman will do the trick regardless.
A sigh thick with hesitation spews from me. There’s another option.
I clear the tightness from my throat. “Remember what Dr. Laurel said in your last session?”
The mention of her new therapist earns me a side-eye. “Dr. Laurel is old.”
It takes great effort to stifle a chuckle. “She’s been doing this a long time. That’s why she has great ideas for us to try.”
Ronnie’s flat expression isn’t easily swayed.
I walk toward her and crouch down to her level. “Dr. Laurel believes you’re attached to this… superhero lady because you want a connection like a daughter should have with her mother. She suggested a trusted adult to hang out with you after school or when I’m at work. Someone similar to Auntie Bee, but you’d see her more often. This person could be your nanny. Would you like that?”
Ronnie perks up. “Can the superhero lady be my nanny?”
“Ronnie…” I sigh.
The momentary joy leeches out of her. She sniffles and drops her gaze, done with me and my worthless attempts to lift her spirits. Guilt stabs at me until it’s difficult to breathe.
“She’s free to apply,” I compromise.
A groove appears between her eyebrows. “What’s that mean?”
“If she wants the job, she has to come get it.” The odds of that happening are slim enough to offer it without concern.
“Here? At our house?” Ronnie points at the plush carpet beneath her feet.
“That’s part of the requirement.”
“You’re using too many big words,” she huffs.
“Whoever we find to be your nanny will be the perfect fit. You’ll love spending time with her.”
“I only want the superhero lady. She’s gonna take my sadness away.” A serene glow transforms her features.
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” I mutter.
“Huh?”
I’m beginning to loathe this so-called great idea. “She might be too busy doing superhero stuff.”
Ronnie blinks quickly. “But I wanna love her forever.”
“That’s very sweet of you. We’ll have to wait and see if she finds us.”
“But I’ve already waited a really long time.” The whine in her voice chips at my hardened heart.
“You’ve been very patient,” I agree. “And there are so many others who would love to be your nanny right away.”