As we pull back onto the road, I glance over at her.
A tear tracks down her cheek, and she makes no move to wipe it away. I’m as big of a motherfucker as Maksim.
I've protected her body, but I've wounded her heart.
And I have no idea how to make that right without getting us both killed.
13
VALENTINA
My cheeks burn with humiliation.
I'd thrown myself at him.
Again.
And he'd rejected me.
Again.
He could have rid me of the remnants of Maksim’s touch.
Instead, I’m left with the memory of the way he’d pushed me against the wall, his breath hot on my face, eyes gleaming with possession.
His vile words still echo in my ears. And that will be my life.
Forever.
"Valentina." Cristian's voice breaks through the endless spiral of doom. "I'm trying to protect you."
I laugh derisively. "From what? Living my life before I'm sentenced todeath by matrimony?"
"From Maksim finding out and?—"
"He's going to kill me anyway," I snap. "Maybe not the first night or even the first year, but eventually. When I've given him whatever he wants, he'll tire of me or get angry with me."
The truth burns in my chest. I've known it since the arrangement was made, but speaking it aloud makes it real.
What was I thinking to agree to this?
"All I want," I continue, staring out the window, "is to know what it feels like to be touched with real passion before I’m sent to live in misery." God, I’m so pathetic.
I keep my face turned away, unable to bear whatever expression might be crossing Cristian's face. In this moment, I feel more naked than when I stripped naked in front of him at the pool.
Several moments later, he says, “There’s no guarantee you’ll get what you seek from me. Sex isn’t always great, especially the first time.”
I shake my head and do an eyeroll. “Right. Let’s just drop it.”
"I'm going to fix?—"
"There's nothing to fix here, Cristian," I say with a frustrated growl. "My life is what it is. Always at the mercy of men who don’t care?—”
“I care.”
“But you’re powerless to help." This time, I do look at him. His jaw is tight. His fingers flex and then wrap around the steering wheel, and I realize the position I’m putting him in because he is powerless.
He can’t help me without sealing his own death.