“I thought I lost you,” he chokes. “You were seizing, and I sprayed the antidote in your mouth, but then your heart wasn’t beating, and you stopped breathing. I didn’t know what to do, and Gabe and I took turns with compressions. You came back for a minute, but then you were gone again. I thought I lost you,” he repeats. “I thought that was it.” His chin dips and his eyes hold mine, fiercely determined. “I’m not letting you go. Not again. Not ever.”
“Rowan—”
He presses his lips gently to mine. “Only you would wake up after a near-death experience and immediately argue. Woman, shut up. I love you.”
My heart ties itself into a thousand knots. “I love you too, but?—”
He kisses me again. “Every time you try to argue with me, I’m going to kiss you. It’s the only thing that stops you. We’ll talk, okay? I know we have a lot to discuss, and I’m not shirking that. But you’re alive, and I thought I lost you. Nothing else matters to me right now more than having you awake in my arms.”
My eyes close. I don’t have the energy to fight him, but it’ll come. It’ll have to come. He can say whatever he likes, but there’s a reality to us that’s undeniable.
“I have a lot to tell you, and I know you have a lot to tell me, but I should probably get your nurse. She said it could be any minute after they removed your sedation, but it’s been six hours. I was worried you might not wake up. They said…” He makes a fractured noise. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter. You’re awake.”
He kisses my forehead and climbs out of bed, taking his heat with him. I don’t want him to go, but it’s too late. I lift my hands and flex my feet, testing my strength. I don’t have much, and even those small movements take the wind out of me. It also feels like someone broke my chest open.
A moment later, the lights flip on, and I squint.
“Sorry,” a woman in blue scrubs says, but she doesn’t turn off the light, so maybe she’s not at all that sorry. “Glad to see you’re awake. I’m Julia, your nurse. I’m going to examine you. I’ve notified the doctor that you’re awake, and she’ll likely want to come in and examine you as well. How are you feeling?”
I lick my dry lips. “Tired. Sore.”
“You have two fractured ribs in your chest near your sternum from when they did CPR. Your body is tired and sore because they had to resuscitate you after you were poisoned. Do you remember anything?”
“A little,” I hedge, not wanting to tell her anything. Talk about a loaded question.
“Well, you’re very brave.” She comes over and shines a light in my eyes and listens to my heart with her stethoscope before she feels around on my chest and belly.
I don’t feel brave. I feel broken and off balance.
I don’t know where Antonia is, and there will be a reckoning there. I’ll have to answer questions about my past. About Signoria. About everything.
The nurse finishes, declaring me one lucky woman, then leaves me, but I’m not alone. Rowan is back, and I sigh.
He chuckles. “Always so happy to see me.”
He climbs into bed beside me without invitation. His arms wrap around me, and he pulls me ever so gently closer, kissing my forehead. “Get some sleep, mia stella.”
“Rowan…” I don’t know where to begin.
“Tomorrow, okay? Tomorrow when you have more strength. The nurse told me you need rest, and so do I. But no more pushing me away. I need you. I need you every minute of every hour of every day, and that’s not changing. It’s only growing stronger. Get used to it. Get over it. You’re mine. My girl. And I want to sleep holding you.”
Damn him. I have no defense.
“Don’t run out on me again.” He stops breathing, looking pained, and everything in me melts.
“You might want me to.” I bite my bottom lip, tears welling once more. The thought is devastating, but I also know I have to brace for it.
“Nah. I think I’m gonna always want you to stay.” His fingers drag along my cheek, and he holds my face, staring into my eyes.
“I’m not a good person. I haven’t been a good person. I haven’t done good things,” I amend because maybe the things I did weren’t entirely my fault. I don’t know. My thoughts are manic.
“The last one and not the first two. Glad you’re getting there.” A soft smile lights his features. “From the moment I saw you, I knew I wanted you. I can’t imagine a world where that’s different.” His lips press to mine. “Hell, I’m breaking a million rules by being in your bed right now, and I don’t care. They’d have to physically remove me to get me to leave you. So go to sleep.”
“I want to deserve this.”
A kiss to my nose. “Me too.”
My eyes close, and I snuggle into him, taking the comfort he’s offering and getting lost in his smell even though it hurts like hell to move even an inch or take a breath, for that matter. But Jaqueline is safe. I’m safe. We don’t know where Antonia is, but I’ll think about that tomorrow.