“And I don’t fit the bill?” Lacy asked. “As far as these needs go?”
Logan was worried if they took these explorations much further, he’d discover that she fit perfectly. But what would happen a few years down the road? Would she still feel the same? He never wanted to be a monster in Lacy’s eyes.
“Evan.” He merely spoke her brother’s name. More for himself than her.
She rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe that stupid bro code thing is still in effect. You guys made that silly promise when you were in high school. We’re all adults now.”
He needed to explain, needed her to understand why, though the promise they’d made back then had been based on something childish and immature, it still remained today. Because of the man he’d become, because of his need for control. Evan knew way too much about Logan’s bedroom habits. He wouldn’t like the idea of his sister on the receiving end of them, even if she did enjoy them.
And given Lacy’s responses to him tonight, Logan was pretty sure she’d love submitting to him. For now.
“I’m not an easy man to be with, Lacy. Evan knows that.”
She frowned, obviously confused. “Evan is your best friend. He loves you, Logan. I hardly think that would be the case if you were an asshole or something.”
“I just got out of a relationship where I basically had to shut away a big part of who I was. I spent years denying my needs in the name of love. When Jane left, I swore I wouldn’t do that again. Wouldn’t pretend to be anything other than the man I am.”
“I’m not asking you to change. I would never do that. I’m not even asking for a relationship, Logan. Just a hookup.”
Her words were a lie. He knew her well enough to understand that. But Lacy knew him, too, which was why she knew exactly what to say right now to diffuse the situation. She thought that by convincing him the stakes were low, he’d give in.
Logan forced himself to look at Lacy and he recognized something that he should have seen right from the start. Something that had been there for years.
Lacy loved him. She had always loved him.
And he’d ignored it. First because she’d been too young and because she’d been Evan’s sister, and then because he’d been in love with Jane. Seeing it now only drove home exactly how high the stakes were.
That realization gave him the strength to say the hardest words he’d ever uttered. “It’s not going to happen, Lacy. Ever.”
Her eyes narrowed with anger and frustration. “Because of that stupid promise?”
He shook his head. He owed her the truth. Total honesty. Even if it did shock her.
His sex drive was too strong for her. And right now, it was on system overload. He’d spent the last few years of his life playing Missionary Man and feeling like an ogre for wanting more. He couldn’t go back to that. Not even for Lacy. He’d explode.
“No. Because I’m not going to lay you down on my bed and make love to you like I’m Prince fucking Charming. If I took you to my bed, I’d fuck you hard, Lacy. Tie you down. Clamp your nipples. Gag you. Spank your ass with my hand, my belt. Take your mouth, your pussy, your ass. I’d make demands I would expect you to obey and if you didn’t, I’d punish you. I couldn’t just love you, Lacy. I’d claim you. Body and soul. That’s what I would want from you.”
Her mouth gaped, but no sound emerged.
“I need to leave, Lacy. Now.”
“But—”
“Have you ever been tied up?”
She shook her head.
“Fucked in the ass?” His question was deliberately crude. He needed to make her see reason.
Again, she shook her head. “But I?—”
“You need to get out of this truck while you still can. While I can still let you.”
“Logan—”
“Now!” he shouted.
Lacy jerked at the anger in his voice, then slowly slid across the seat and reached for the door handle. Her chest rose and fell rapidly, no doubt with fear.