The music fades and a spotlight is thrown across the room to where Flic has climbed on top of the bar, waving a dish towel over her head like a lasso. “Who’s ready for the New Year?” she bellows, causing a cheer to erupt across the crowd. The dance floor seems to swell with bodies pressing close, and I grab Chase’s hand so we can’t get pulled apart.
“TEN!” Flic shouts.
My heart starts to beat so fast it feels like it might break through my ribcage and bolt for the nearest exit, dragging every one of my stupid, reckless hopes with it.
“NINE!”
Chase’s fingers lace through mine.
“EIGHT!”
I picture turning toward him. Our first perfect kiss.
“SEVEN!”
It’ll be the kind of kiss we’ll tell our kids about one day.
“SIX!”
This is happening.
“FIVE!”
Chase looks at me. Really looks. Those deep brown eyes that always catch the light just right, soft and warm. But tonight, I find myself searching for a flicker of something else. That same flicker of heat, hope, and electricity zipping through my veins.
“FOUR!”
My stomach drops.
“THREE!”
I lean in.
“TWO!”
So does he.
“ONE!”
Chase moves to kiss my cheek like it’s any other New Year’s, but I turn my lips to meet his. Soft at first. Hesitant. I know in a second he’s going to pull back, but I press closer and I feel his lips part. And then we’re really kissing. Just like I’ve dreamed about.
His tongue in my mouth is slow and searching. I meet him stroke for stroke, exploring. It’s hot and breathless and so much more than I imagined. My fingers curl into the back of his neck and his hands tighten on my waist, anchoring me to him like he can’t let go. And I don’t want him to. My core burns with need. It feels like everything I ever wanted. It feels like my future.
And then he pulls away.
His smile is wide and he’s laughing. His eyes search mine, and for the first time I see how drunk he is. He cups my face with his hands, and I think he’s going to kiss me again, but then he’s moving his mouth to my ear. “I love you, Serena.”
My heart stutters. “I?—”
“Promise me you’ll never stop being my best friend.”
The smile on my face holds. Just barely. Inside, I feel like my heart is a glitter ball that’s dropped to the floor, shattering into a thousand sharp, sparkly shards.
To me, that kiss was everything. The culmination of years of quiet longing and hope and love that makes my stomach dip and my heart skip a beat whenever he walks into a room. But to Chase, it was sealing thirteen years of laughter and loyalty and friendship wrapped in a drunken moment he probably won’t remember in the morning. He didn’t see the future. He didn’t feel the shift in the earth under our feet. I’m his best friend. And he just asked me to never change that.
And because I love him, because he means everything to me, I laugh like this is fine. Like this is what I wanted all along. “Never,” I say.
And I force myself to mean it. Because losing Chase would be worse than loving him in silence. So, I swallow the words I was about to say—I love you, too—and I make myself believe that being his best friend is enough.