Vanna
The man in front of me isn’t the one I grew to know. Nick doesn’t have the easy smile or gentlemanly manner I’m used to. When I saw him naked for the first time last night, there was another side of him that I’d never seen before.
I’m starting to see that I was the agreeable one because I always nodded and went along with whatever was needed. We never had a reason to fight, and the only time I ever gave some pushback was when it came to sex.
It’s a small chip to my ego that he never pushed for more, and as horrible as it sounds, I wanted him to. I wanted him to have an uncontrollable need for me, but I’m sure that goes back to my abandonment issues. Nick never cared when I canceled one of our Friday nights, and maybe all of this is the reason why.
Beyond that, there was never a need to spend time with me. He was casual about time together, and I never made a big deal about it. I didn’t blow up his phone and ask how his day was, but he never did to me either. Our routine was mostly hands-off.
When I really think back, Nick did make a few small remarks that we could do other things than sex, but he always let it go when I paused even a little at the idea. I never felt the lust or need other girls in school talked about. Nick was just there and fit into the cookie-cutter role of what I thought was a good boyfriend. I wonder if on some level I knew I would never love him the way other couples love each other. That way he could never hurt me if he left.
Aren’t I used to people always leaving? I hadn't let myself form any friendships in college either. I grew close to a few people during my time in foster care. Then one of the kids would get moved, and that was another person taken from me. It was easier to keep everyone at arm's length.
Now I see that Nick didn’t care about our sex life because he had his needs met somewhere else. I was just his virginal wife waiting to be deflowered. What year is this? As bad as I know it is to cheat, I don’t blame him for that part of it. I wasn’t there for him in that way, and it's a natural human reaction to want affection. I guess unless you're me. I might understand what he did, but I can’t respect it. If I loved someone so deep inside my bones, I would never do anything to hurt them.
Stupidly, it was one of the things I liked about Nick. When I didn’t want to go further with sex, he let it go. Now in retrospect, it makes me feel undesirable.
Of course, it’s terrible for a man to force himself on a woman, but Nick never showed much interest. Even as I tell myself that men shouldn’t do that, there’s still a dark voice that whispers What if I was forced? Not by Nick, but the idea is one that I’m not proud of.
Am I one of those girls that plays hard to get? Am I a tease? It isn’t something I think about, but maybe that’s part of the dirty secret inside me I keep hidden.
It sounds nice to have someone fight for me because to them there is something about me that completes them, and they need me to live.
I guess I should be careful what I ask for because right now Nick is standing in front of me demanding I remain his fiancée. I don’t even have a ring to give back to him. I was supposed to get some family ring, and at the time, it was a sweet idea. It would have made me a part of a family, but now the cost is too high. It had to be sized still, but I think his mother is holding on to it for as long as she can. Good thing she did because she can keep it.
“Do not make a scene.” Nick grabs me by the arm. “I’ve been waiting out here for over an hour! Why aren’t you answering my calls?” He glances up and down the sidewalk to make sure no one is paying attention. We wouldn’t want people to know he’s not perfect, would we?
“I told you we’re over,” I whisper, trying to grant him some level of respect. He might not be able to do that for me, but clearly, we were never the same.
“No, we said we’d talk about it. What am I supposed to tell everyone when you’re not with me tonight?”
“That we broke up.” Nick really isn’t as smart as I thought he was. That Ivy League degree didn’t do much for him. The spoiled rich boy is boiling to the surface, and his fingers tighten on my arm so hard I’m sure he’ll leave marks.
“We are not breaking up,” he grits out. I try to yank my arm from his hold, but it’s useless.
“Nick.” I glare up at him. “Let. Me. Go.” I punctuate each of my words, and his brows lift. I’m sure he’s shocked at my hard refusal.
“How much?” he hisses.
What the hell? How does this man—no, boy—keep surprising me?
“I’m not a whore.” I raise my chin, and he barks a laugh.
“Obviously. You’re a cold fish. The money is to pretend. Don’t make me ask again.” I hold back the emotion that claws at my throat. “Think about it, Vanny. You could get so far as my wife. We can come to an agreement.” He smirks. “Then maybe you’ll finally spread those thighs.”
I gasp with a mixture of shock and rage. This time when I pull on my arm, I get free but not because of my own strength. Out of nowhere, a fist comes swinging between us and slams into Nick’s jaw. Nick hits the ground like a concrete block in a crumpled heap.
“One hit.” The man who threw the punch laughs, glancing at his own hand, but there’s no damage. “Vanna.”
Slowly I look into the handsome man’s eyes. He just turned Nick to a pile of nothing, and I think it’s time we get the hell out of here.
He takes my hand in a gentle hold, and I must be in shock because I let him.
Is he a knight in shining armor? Ha! Not with my luck.
Chapter 6
Lawson