So we go to her place, and she gets to have a shower and put some clean clothes on. The process of becoming human all over again feels strange, but necessary.
When she emerges, pink and fresh, wearing the librarian-like attire she likes to work in, I feel the separation between us again. In the woods, there was an equality. I was a man. She was awoman. But the power of the human hierarchy is reasserting itself now.
The suit makes me a different kind of animal. And the cardigan hides what she is. It tames her and makes the burning, ferocious loyalty seem indistinguishable from bland compliance.
“You look very pretty,” I tell her. That simple statement covers so much deeper admiration, but now isn’t the time for grand declarations. I have to go and tell everybody I’m not dead.
She smiles at me, and her face lights up with such sweetness I feel another surge of guilt. She deserves so much better. She has always deserved so much better.
“Shall we go announce my lack of death?”
“Yes,” she says. “But I think the police and…”
“Everyone who knows is going to know, sweetheart. Don’t worry.”
“Last time you told me not to worry, you ended up stuck as a wolf in a forest,” she says.
My palm tingles with the urge to spank her again. Asserting a little bit of dominance would do us both a bit of good, I think. She likely lost a little bit of respect for me when I ended up stuck, as she put it. This suit is probably a very good thing.
“Lydia,” I say, lowering my tone slightly. “I can’t have you speaking to me that way.”
She blushes immediately, knowing she has stepped over the line.
“Sorry,” she says. “It’s just…”
I step forward and put my hand under her chin to tilt her face up toward me.
“It’s just what?”
I see her eyes flicker for a moment as she tries to decide whether to say what she so desperately wants to say.
“It’s just you did end up stuck… as a wolf… so…”
I smirk a little. “Do you want to test me right now, Lydia?”
I see her lips quirk up a little.
She does want to test me. If she lost respect for me while lost in the wilds, then it is best for both of us to re-establish the balance.
“I know that what happened seems reckless. That’s because it was. I don’t always make the safest of choices, because frankly, it hasn’t mattered in the past. I mean, it’s mattered, but not to anyone else. I didn’t imagine it would matter to you either, not if I did it out on my own where I would not be seen.”
“You thought it would be fine to die in the woods leaving me alone forever, maybe pregnant with your bastard child?”
My brows search for my hairline with that statement, which, while technically accurate, sounds like it should come out of the mouth of a haughty dowager, not my subordinate.
“Bastard child is quite a harsh term,” I say calmly.
“That’s what people will call them. They’ll have no claim to anything. I’ll be left alone and…” She draws in a deep breath, and I can see the effort she is taking not to cry, and also how she can’t help it after all because the tears have already breached the barrier of her ducts.
“Baby,” I murmur, wrapping her up in a tight hug. I feel absolutely rancid for having treated her like this and making her so miserable. She shakes as she sobs, giving into the release of stress and pressure that must have been building every single day I was gone.
I have never felt this guilty before. I have also never felt this loved before. This little human female… wait. Why the hell did I just think of her as a human female? I am a human male, a man. I am a person. Aren’t I? The barriers between creature and human are so blurry now. I know they exist. I know what the difference between them is, but somehow I feel as though I fit into both worlds equally well.
Slowly, she stops crying. I had some intention of disciplining her for her earlier attitude, spanking her hot ass until she was squirming and wet and begging for my cock. But that doesn’t feel right anymore.
“I feel so stupid,” she says. “I cared so much, and you didn’t think about me at all. I’m worried about you, but you couldn’t care less what happens as long as you get to do whatever you want? If I went missing, you might not even look for me…”
“Now that’s where you are wrong,” I tell her. “If I lost track of you even for a moment I would search for you until I found you.”