My frown deepens.
Jude: Can I call you? I think we need to talk.
The dots on her message move and then stop before moving again… and stopping again. I fully expect her to shut me down. Yet, she surprises me by callingme.
“Hey,” I say softly.
“Hey. I’m guessin’ you’re more of a talker than a texter, then?”
“Probably. It’s easier to speak on the fly than overthinking the words I’m using in messages sometimes,” I reply honestly.
“That’s surprisingly honest. And true.”
I chuckle. “No mystery or intrigue with me, I’m afraid. What you see is what you get. ADHD and all.”
“That’s not a bad thing. It just makes youmoreinterestin’.”
“Why?” I ask. “Because you never know what might come out of my mouth?”
“There’sthat.”
I laugh. “Like proposin’ a symbolic weddin’?”
“I accepted your proposal, remember?”Not something I’m going to forget in a hurry. “The way I see it, that just makes you a special, rare type of mountain man.”
My mouth drops open. “What doesthatmean?”
“Well, you’re pretty upfront and honest.”
“Is that a bad thing?” I ask.
“Definitely not. It means people always know where they’re at with you. I’m the same—well, when I’m not runnin’away, I guess,’ she says with a laugh.
“You had your reasons.” I hold my breath hoping that she might take that as an invitation to open up a little.
“Yeah. I had a job I could escape in and a mountain I needed space from.”
“Have you been feelin’ better since you got back to Palmer?” I hold my breath, torn between wanting her happy and comfortable but not liking the fact that her peace might be hundreds of miles away from where I need to be.
She sighs and I find myself sliding down the mattress to get more comfortable. “It was just…Yes and no. Bein’ on the ranch without Dad there, it felt strange.”
“Like he was missin’?”
“I know it’s weird. I’ve just never felt like that before. I couldn’t escape it either. I just knew I couldn’t stay there. Not right now, anyway.”
I shake my head even though she can’t see me. “It’s not weird. My brothers and I felt the same way when we moved here after Gramps died. We hadn’t been back to the mountain for years but we arrived and it was like nothin’ had changed. Except—” After a moment of silence, a barely-there sniffle hits my ears. “Dammit. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m so sorry.”
“No,” she replies, her voice thick. “These aren’t sad tears, I promise. It’s morerelief. You truly get it. Obviously my brothers understand and that they’ve felt the same way too, but they’re stronger than I am. Grief is a crazy ride with no instructions.”
“And you never know what’s goin’ to hit you deep or when,” I add.
“Exactly. Don’t get me wrong, I love the ranch and the mountain. I want to be there for my brothers and to help find a sense of normalcy now that both of our parents are gone. It’s just… too much right now.”
“Everyone understands. I hope you know that. Your brothers aren’t mad or disappointed. They just want you to be safe and comfortable, wherever that needs to be. As Asher said, the ranch isn’t goin’ anywhere,” I tell her. When I hear a relieved sigh in my ear, I know that I’ve done good. “Now tell me. Am I screwin’ this up or helpin’?”
She snort-giggles. “Definitely helpin’, Jude. I’m glad I called.”
“I’m glad you replied back to my message.”